But only I walk without purpose

[monie]

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[monie]

"Stand up straight, what's wrong with you, eh?" Namjoon's father slapped the back of his head and he instantly straightened up, trying to be mannered and polite. The trouble was, he was bored. Waiting for Yoongi was boring. And his clothes were uncomfortable too, the tie was too tight and the shoes rubbed - he was really hungry too.

He could see birthday cake but they had to wait for Min Yoongi first. He stared off into space and missed Yoongi entering the room with his father, only bowing when he saw everyone else doing it, dropping as low as he could.

"Min Gunho nim, we're very glad to be here." Namjoon listened to his father and wasn't overly sure if he should nod along or what, he just leaned forward more and more until he had to correct himself to not fall face first on his head. "Min Yoongi-nim, you must be very excited. You're almost a man now."

Men were boring, Namjoon decided, looking at his shiny shoes. They might hurt but he could see his face in them.

[bluemold]

"Almost. Thank you." Yoongi bowed his head a little, since Kim Minjun was older and very important. Almost a man. He knew his father wanted him to make his first kill soon, so that he could brag about how young he still was. According to traditions of the clan, he still had time, but there were traditions and then there were his father's expectations and, as always, he made sure he knew about them.

That was on his mind more than his birthday and whatever was supposed to happen on it, so Yoongi simply turned to look at the younger boy, figuring he should be polite. "Namjoon-ah. You were tiny when I last saw you."

Well, the only memory he had of meeting Namjoon was when he'd been a baby, so that made sense.

"He looks more and more like you, Minjun." Yoongi's father was in a good mood, keeping a hand on Yoongi's shoulder casually. "Are you excited, Namjoon?"

[bluemold]

They got some odd looks. Of course they did. Two young boys, followed by two grown men who very much looked like bodyguards and weren't really trying not to look like bodyguards. Yoongi looked the part too, wearing sunglasses and a casual suit. He was in charge of his own wardrobe to an extent, so he actually wore black sneakers rather than dress shoes. Only they were still really damn expensive, but at least it was comfortable. Probably not the best beach wear though.

Still, whatever. He had brought Namjoon here, as he'd promised. The ocean looked nice. "Is that what you wanted, Joon-ah?"

[monie]

Namjoon had been dressed by his father that morning but it had swiftly fallen apart the closer and closer he got to the beach. First the suit jacket went missing, then the tie, then the buttons got undone. By the time he got onto the beach, he had his trousers and shirt rolled up into a makeshift t-shirt and shorts, his shoes and socks had been thrown aside and gathered up by a body guard and he was eagerly rushing along.

"Hyung! I'm so happy, this is the best. The best day ever!" Namjoon was already trying to spy crabs, jumping about and laughing when he saw the ocean. It was so blue! "It's beautiful!"

[monie]

Namjoon didn't think this was overly fair, he was only just, by a small margin, thirteen and why was he getting punished because Yoongi was sixteen and had to do some 'live among the normals' trial? He was under age! He had school and the science fair was this weekend. He had an amazing project about hydropower. He had been so excited, his first ever science fair. He had only been allowed to do go school this year and part of him now felt like his father had done this on purpose.

To take away something extra, to make it way worse. Why did he have to suffer just because Yoongi happened to be old enough to do his trial?

It was rainy, cold and he trailed behind Yoongi with great reluctance. He didn't have proper winter wear because 'poor people wouldn't' and they had nowhere to stay and nothing of their own with them. He shoved his hands into his pockets and glared. He was hungry, cold and tired. And he hated everything.

[bluemold]

"We'll figure this out," Yoongi told Namjoon, "I have a plan."

He didn't expect to get much of a positive reaction from Namjoon. Honestly, part of him expected Namjoon to storm off and go sulk somewhere else. He couldn't blame him, he knew how excited he had been for that science fair, he had told him all about it so often. He didn't want to take that from Namjoon. He wished he had a choice. He had tried, but to no avail, and Namjoon blamed him. Of course he did. Who else was there to blame?

Yoongi did what he could to not think about it too much, because it'd hurt him. He missed the way him and Namjoon used to be. He just missed a Namjoon that liked him, really. But he'd always known it would end up like this.

"I will get us some money." He had ideas for that. "It's going to be fun, huh?"

[bluemold]

"What the hell is your problem?! You can't just do that in front of Hobi like that." Yoongi hissed to Namjoon after he'd pulled him out of the bar successfully. Looked as if they were going to go home early. Damn it. He thought they could have fun together! But, of course, Namjoon wasn't about having fun. Namjoon was about making sure that Yoongi didn't have fun. That he only ever got to feel guilty and responsible.

He let go of Namjoon's arm and huffed in frustration, schooling his face to keep from glaring. Neutral, he could do neutral. "Are you allergic to fun these days?"

[monie]

"I'm sorry, Yoongi-nim." Namjoon hissed under his breath as he pulled away from Yoongi and tried not to touch him. The urge to shove back was there, to unstoppable want to hurt him but he knew how dangerous that was. He was Yoongi's property, he couldn't go around physically hurting him so what else could he do besides hurt him emotionally? "How could I possibly be bored in a bar where I can't drink anything but overpriced coke with nothing do but watch you joke around with your new best friend."

Oh yeah, his precious Hobi. Even since Hobi came around, the tasks Yoongi were set became secondary because he was 'having fun' and going out with Hobi all the time. He'd be shocked if he'd even tried to accomplish anything. "My only other option is going home and sitting in the freezing cold because we can't afford heating and you know why? Cause you're pissing away what little money we have with Hobi all the time!"

[bluemold]

Well. This was worrisome. Granted, he was dressed in cheap clothes, his hair was bleached and he really didn't look anything like Min Yoongi, but there was still enough of a risk that Yoongi was keeping his sunglasses on inside, which meant he couldn't see much. He wanted to tell Hobi that they should leave and go elsewhere, he could just make up a reason, but unfortunately Hobi was nowhere to be found.

Damn it. Yoongi stayed close to the wall, looking around and trying not to seem anxious. At least he was successful with that, he really looked bored more than anything. And he might have kept looking it, if there hadn't suddenly been someone dancing up on him.

Huh.

[cutedevil]

"You look nervous, handsome. What's a matter?"

Ten came over to see the cute guy in shades, mostly because Cheon told him he had to go out and make someone happy and this guy looked the least likely to slap his ass and actually make him go back to a hotel room. He was young, around his age maybe? Bit older. And he had a sort of awkward 'I want to leave' vibe. He could be seen entertaining someone but, hopefully, he'd get the rest of the night off.

Ten had learned to be selective with his targets. It always benefited him in the long run. "Wanna dance? I can give you a real good time."

[yourhope]

Yo, sweet boy.

How's it going?

[cutedevil]

it's going :)

How is my hope, my angel?

[bluemold]

"I brought food." Yoongi had just closed the door behind himself and he said the words loudly, since he wasn't sure what room Namjoon would be in.

This place was a lot bigger than the one they had lived in originally. These days, money flow wasn't as slow as it was initially. Quite the opposite. Yoongi was doing well, well enough that he knew his father had taken notice, the first moves were being made. And Yoongi was miserable, of course, but he knew it was as it was always going to be and he just kept thinking of what step was next in the plan, what he had to do after this. Easier to focus on than on what was behind him.

Although, yeah, sometimes, at night, when he was sure he was alone, he did look through his phone and scrolled through pictures of friends he'd likely never see again, memories that already seemed so far away and the way Namjoon used to look at him. It was a form of torture, maybe, but also a way of staying himself.

"Joon-ah?!" He set the bags down in the kitchen and started unpacking. "I got the noodles you like."

[monie]

"You have some death threats." Namjoon reported, a cheery topic to begin with. He tossed down a bunch of papers in a bundle and leaned on the counter, watching Yoongi unpack curiously. Usually he wouldn't stick around too long but ... black bean noodles were the best and he'd do anything for them. He did love himself some noodles, hence why he hauled ass through the house to get here. "The usual, I wouldn't concern yourself with them."

Anyone who was a high enough gangster, they got death threats. That was kind of how you knew you'd made it, really.

"Also I balanced the books and we've increased profits." So if Yoongi still planned on his very stupid idea... now was the time to act on it. "It's the best we've ever been, boss."

to Ten

[yourhope]

remember Suga?

[cutedevil]

The asshole who ghosted us?

YEP. He sucks. And his hair is unstylish. Why?

[monie]

Namjoon liked to daydream about the beach. The first ever time he went, with his hyung, looking for crabs and playing in the sand. He liked to think that was the Yoongi he'd always remember, the perfect hyung. The hyung who never left him, never ditched him, never abandoned him to die here... before dying himself. No more hyung, no more hope, no more nothing.

He just thought of crabs. He had taken to reciting crab facts in his head to try and focus on that and not the constant agony he had. He was sure he had lost two teeth, he remembered the pliers in his mouth. He remembered the shocks, the broken fingers, the pulled off toenails. They just wanted to make Yoongi mad.

Did they? He was curious if Yoongi died trying to save him or if he really didn't bother like they told him. He wanted to think he tried.

He hung from the ceiling, his shoulders aching and his one eye swollen shut, the other burning from sweat and blood. It was easier to keep them closed. Even when he heard noise outside, even when he heard screams. He didn't care any more, he was ready to go. He welcomed it. After all, he could hide at the beach!

Where he caught the hermit crab. Where he said the crab was his favourite and hyungie was ready to fight for him. Where they made their promises. When bad things happen, we have each other.

[bluemold]

Yoongi got there first. He broke the lock by shooting it, no time to waste on being subtle, and then he walked inside, immediately walking up to Namjoon and wrapping an arm around his waist. He couldn't let himself hurt from how Namjoon looked right now. He had to focus on getting him down, not break down. "It's me, Joon-ah. I'm here."

Maybe it would be a comfort? He hoped so. He looked up at the ties binding Namjoon and tried to reach his knife, frowning. Damn it, that was high up. "You are safe now," he promised. Had to promise.

[bluemold]

"Jungkook?" Yoongi made his way into the room, where he sat down next to the boy on the ground. No one else was watching, he had told the guards to stay outside. This was his home, going to be his home. He could be himself here, maybe. At least a little. So he smiled at his brother. "I'm Yoongi. I'm your hyung. I know you probably don't remember me, you were still a baby the last time I saw you."

[smallkookie]

"I sawed you in pictures." Jungkook nodded a little and then tilted his head to the side. He didn't know him but he did but he didn't. It was weird! Appa showed him a picture of is hyung and told him that one day he'd be taking care of him, if all went well. Whatever that meant. Jungkook felt a bit anxiously with the sudden shift and put his thumb in his mouth, mumbling around it. "Are you nice?"

[bluemold]

It had taken him a while to fall asleep. Finally he had found the right balance. It was a loose thing somewhere between memory and fantasy, a time when he had fallen asleep with Namjoon on the couch. He just remembered the one moment when he'd woken up and looked at Namjoon and thought about kissing him and then, for that brief moment, he twisted things a little so that would somehow be a good thing. He couldn't spin the thought or fantasy any further than that without reality kicking in and without feeling creepy, as if he was somehow taking advantage of Namjoon even in his thoughts. But the brief memory, that moment, it was nice. And as long as he pushed everything else away, he could find some rest in it.

Needless to say, he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep and he had a lot of things to take care of. Meeting Ten was just something on his list. It was strange to think that. Once he had had a crush on Ten. Of course he had never really acted on it, Hobi was the man for that, but he still remembered. Seemed like another life. Was another life, really.

Yoongi looked up from the paperwork he had just been staring at, nodding at the two guards in the room. "He can come in."

Namjoon hadn't been able to understand why it was such a big deal for Yoongi to be somewhere without guards. Damn. Namjoon. He would have to deal with him too, sooner or later. His chest hurt and he ignored it, just got up when Ten came in, nodding his head.

"Hey."

[cutedevil]

"Your house is really big, I got lost in the lobby. Put signs up." Ten informed him as he came in and sat down, legs sprawled out confidently. He wasn't easy to intimidate, even if he was aware his clothes were old, faded and past their best and he was looking more like a rent boy than a respectable business man who'd met with a gangster leader but... he had a good ass so he had little worries.

He looked hot and he knew it. "Hobi is with Namjoon still but he asked me to check in, make sure everything was sorted and to get his pay so... however you want to do it, big boss man."

Ten looked amused as he leaned forward, studying Yoongi. He was so powerful and yet, so miserable. Well, Karma. He shouldn't have ditched them. "Hobi says you're scary now."

[cutedevil]

Hey, we get to own a business.

Also your ass looked great today, solid 10/10

new pants??

[yourhope]

oh yeah? hmmm, could be fun, if we can do it together :D

ikr? yours always looks great

yep, I bought new stuff since I figure I have money incoming soon :)

how did it go?

[bluemold]

"Jungkookie?" Yoongi called out for him, looking around. It had been a long day. Every day was long. He wanted to sleep, but he already knew he wouldn't manage to easily. Maybe he should start taking sleeping pills, but he worried where that might lead, so it felt better to not even start.

"Jungkook? Hyung is home." He headed for the kitchen, washing his hands. Made him feel as if he could just clean off part of the day. Leave it behind for a little bit.

It wasn't really surprising that his father wanted death, Yoongi supposed. He wondered if he'd be raising his executioner one day.

[smallkookie]

Jungkook hurried as soon as he was called and ran into the kitchen, hugging Yoongi's leg really tight and nuzzling him. "Hello, hyungie! Did you work well? Did you miss me? I miss you. I drew you something!"

He held out his hand and hope Yoongi would hold it so they could go and see things together. He knew that Yoongi was very busy and people told him not to bother hyung when he was busy but he wasn't now... right?

"Can we please go and see it, hyungie?"

[bluemold]

It wasn't as if he didn't want to visit Namjoon. All he wanted was to be with Namjoon. He missed him like a part of him. But Yoongi was scared, plain and simple. He wanted to preserve as much of his memories of Namjoon and how they had been as he could, he wanted his moment of what could have been. It was terrifying, because he had been trying to gather memories for as long as they could, figuring that no one could take them from him, only to realise that it didn't matter that no one could, because remembering being happy didn't make him happy. Memories could be poisoned just like people. Like Namjoon had been poisoned against him.

And he didn't really feel like injecting more venom, but he knew he didn't really have a choice. And he wanted to see Namjoon, just... He had to. Yoongi gestured to the guards to stay behind outside as he opened the door, not surprised to see Hobi in the room with Namjoon, chatting away about... something. Of course he fell silent when Yoongi walked in, bowing his head.

Yoongi looked at Namjoon and his chest tightened. He wanted to hold him and to apologise and to cry. Damn, he wanted to cry so much. "Hey."

Very meaningful. He wondered if Namjoon would yell again. "They told me you're healing well."

[monie]

"Hey." Yoongi came... huh. Did he come to kill him or fire him? He was within his rights to. Trauma or not, he shouldn't have done what he did. He shouldn't have yelled. The guilt was there, constantly, and he knew he fucked up. Of course he knew. Yoongi didn't come to visit him all this time, he kind of didn't think he would at all. He expected a proxy to come and tell him he was to leave.

He told Hobi often that it'd happen. It had to. And it was kind of a shock to see Yoongi there. And it hurt too. He looked down at his bed sheets and tried not to freak out and get fuck up more.

"Yeah, it's healing well... my back is kind of flaky. I thought it was a healing scar but I have dermatitis." What? Why did he say that? "Itchy."

[bluemold]

"Because Namjoon is like family, you can be with hyung in front of him, yeah? When there is no one else around." Yoongi told Jungkook again before opening the door to Namjoon's room, having left the guards behind. He closed the door behind them and stepped in, holding a hand out to Jungkook. "This is Jungkookie, Joon-ah. Do you remember him?"

Namjoon looked so much better today. Yoongi felt relief and he smiled a bit.

[monie]

"Hello, mister hyungnim sir Namjoon!" Jungkook tried to be as formal as he could be, bowing and trying to be a very good boy for hyung. He looked up at the poor man and then he looked a bit scared, he was all hurted. He looked up at Yoongi, curious and concerned. "He has ouchies, hyung."

"Yeah, I -- A car hit me, it was a very mean car." Namjoon lied as he leaned forward, smiling at the tiny boy. "It's so nice to see you, Jungkookie. You've grown so much."

"I am a big boy now." Jungkook nodded profoundly.