But only I walk without purpose

[monie]

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[monie]

"I don't want to hang out with you... you made my hyung stop loving me." Okay, maybe that was an oversimplification of a situation that went beyond that but Namjoon had issues. He sighed and looked at Hobi, eating more noodles and kind of trying to get his head around everything. And stop sounding like a petty baby... though that may be way too late.

That ship probably sailed when he was 14. "Where is my hyung?"

[yourhope]

"No idea. Probably has to take care of business, I'm not privy to Yoongi-nim's schedule, am I?" Hobi assumed he had to take care of a mess, from all he'd heard. "There was something about a baby brother? Not sure. I only heard half the conversation. Anyway, if it makes you feel better, I bet that one guy guarding your room is under strict orders to update him on your status, cause he keeps doing that."

As far as he could tell, anyway.

[monie]

"I bet it's weird that Suga isn't Suga any more... it was weird for me when Yoongi was Suga. I guess it's like... loopy. It switched. Slooped." He didn't know, he was all high. He was trying to make sense of it all. "Kookie." Little Kookie must have been alone all day without his appa... was his appa good to him? Would he miss him? He supposed he should be happy that he was the target.

If they tortured Jungkook, Yoongi would have destroyed Seoul. "Do you finally get why I couldn't 'just get lost' like you and Ten always told me."

[yourhope]

"You want a cookie? Huh. I guess we can get you one, though I just got other stuff for dessert." Hobi frowned, offering out another bite of noodles. "Sure, sure. I get why you didn't get lost. Still doesn't excuse you being disrespectful to your elder, you little punk."

Hobi grinned at Namjoon now, clearly not bothered. "I'll forgive you, though. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Namjoon-ah. You are so lucky to know me."

[monie]

"No, Kookie. K. Kkkkk. Wait. Like. Guk. I guess. We call him Kook. Like. Kookie." He was not making a lot of sense but in his head, it worked. He smiled as he thought of last time he saw Jungkook, he was almost two, he was able to say simple things and he ate whatever he could put in his mouth, he drooled on everything and he would not part with his pacifier... he was sure he was vastly different these days.

"I would feel bad but I went through puberty in a gang during a trial and I miss the science fair... So no regrets, I was allowed to be pissy." He pouted but accepted another bite of noodles. "My project was on aerodynamics. I had tubing." It was gonna be neat. "Stop calling me ah. I'm ssi!"

[yourhope]

"Pft. You can be ssi when you can hold chopsticks. Now open up for Uncle Hobi, you need food to get big and strong!" Hobi made air plane sounds. His own science project, right there. "We got a pair of glasses for you, by the way. Temporary ones, I'm sure you'll get a stylish and expensive one before long."

He could already tell that Yoongi was nothing if not generous. Also, he knew that he loved Namjoon. He had no doubts about that. It was tragic, really, Hobi couldn't wait to talk it over with Ten. "Then you tell me what animal videos we should watch first."

[monie]

"I'm not that young." Namjoon sulked but he still ate his food because airplane noises or not, he loved knife noodles. He still sulked. A lot. What else was new. It had been almost half a year or more since he saw Hobi and he was still sulking, pouting and acting like a brat. But at least now he kinda had good reason too.

He gulped down the last mouthful and noted the empty bowl, sliding down to get comfortable. "Why are you uncle Hobi and not Hobi hyung?"

[yourhope]

"Cause Uncle Hobi sounds funnier." Far be it from Hobi to not have a sensible explanation for things. He set the bowl aside and reached for the glasses, carefully putting them on for Namjoon. "Looking foxy, Namjoon-ah." He grinned at him, then blew him a kiss now that he could see him.

"You will be better soon, by the way. The doctor said that you will need some weeks to heal completely, but the worst should be behind you after this week. I know it all hurt like hell, but luckily most of it won't be lasting damage."

[monie]

"Yeah, that's good." He supposed they didn't want to hurt him in the end. They did, they hurt him so much, from the electric shocks and the pliers to the beatings but... they could have done way worse and he knew it. He wondered, idly, if that was his father's doing or Yoongi's father because he honestly wasn't sure who went easy on him. He wanted to believe it was his appa but he couldn't. "There's a lot of lasting damage. Keeps getting worse too."

He adjusted his glasses and lay back, exhaling slowly. "I yelled at hyung, didn't I? You know, I can be killed for that. I don't think he ever would but that's how bad it is. I shouldn't have... I fucked up."

[yourhope]

"I don't think that Yoongi-nim could ever do anything like that to you. In fact, I think you could go up to him and spit in his face and he'd take it." Not that he recommended doing that, but still. Hobi had seen that look on Yoongi's face. There were many ways of being devoted, he supposed. "You were angry, you lashed out. It happens. You were traumatised and hurting, Namjoon-ah, that's normal. But you know, he really did do everything to find you. I was there, I know. He didn't sleep or eat, he just... He was looking for you, planning to get you. Being scary."

[monie]

"I didn't believe he would come." He did the first day. And the second day... not so much after that. And then he believed he was dead and it was all over. He bit his lower lip, anxious and unsure. "He tried to ditch me. When he left all of you, he left me as well. I'm loyal, I'm his, it's my life, my destiny and he just walked away... he left me before, why wouldn't he leave me again."

Namjoon felt himself crying and raised his hand to try and wipe at his eyes. "He'd be happier without me but I don't know what to do without him."

[yourhope]

"Shh, Namjoon-ah." Hobi sighed, stroking Namjoon's hair. Poor, broken, very high on pain meds boy. "Shh. It's all right. Look, calm down. Think about it. Imagine if he had ditched you when he tried. Like he ditched us. Then what would have happened? Maybe he tried doing that so you wouldn't be in danger, huh? Couldn't that be why?"

[monie]

"I would have been alone though! I couldn't go home if I failed, I would have been alone. I have no one. No one but Yoongi. It's always been him and he just walked away." Namjoon's voice hitched as he sobbed, feeling awkward and pathetic but unable to stop himself, he rubbed at his eyes, just a hot mess. Oversharing on a painkiler high. "I love him and he left me. He shuts him out and he pushes me away but I can't leave so what do I do? I can't-- I can't." There was no answer.

[yourhope]

"Aw, it's okay. You've got uncle Hobi now too! Just wait for uncle Ten to come visit, we will have a grand old time. I'll introduce you to churros and karaoke. This time you can't escape me." Hobi decided that the teenage painkiller gangster angst was too much to deal with, so he opened up his laptop and then went right to the first cute animals playlist he could find, full-screening it. "There. Watch that, that's much better."

[monie]

Namjoon kept crying for a while, wiping at his eyes as he watched some puppies toddle around a room, melting slowly. And then, amazingly, he did relax and stop crying. He watched various cute animal videos until his eyes got tired and he passed out again, mouth open and glasses falling off his face.