powerboys | You're my everything, please go away

Yoongi made sure Jungkook was on his lap securely, leaning back and wishing he felt less like fainting. He ate a biscuit, hoping that his blood sugar just needed a bit of a spike. "If you get some stuffing to put inside him then you just need someone with a needle and he'll be good as new, Jungkook. After a wash, anyway."

He had meant to fix the toy, but he didn't have anything to put inside so that made it very difficult. Probably a good analogy for his overall shortcomings, come to think of it. "Do you like the mooncake?"

Jungkook nodded quietly and Namjoon reached out to stroke his hair, trying to bond with him so it'd be easier to take him from Yoongi. Not that it'd ever be easy. He was holding onto Yoongi's shirt for dear life with one hand. "I can ask my friend to fix up Dooly for you. She comes in around ten."

She was a whiz at that kind of thing and she owed him for this overtime shift. He looked at Yoongi, wondering what to ask or talk to him about. "You don't look so good, hyung. Do you need anything?" Was it rude to ask that? He didn't even know. "I, uh, I heard about what happened. With the fire. I'm sincerely sorry."

He and Tae didn't live too far from where it had happened, he remembered watching the fire trucks go by his home.

Yoongi almost glared at Namjoon for bringing it up, but he cause himself at the last minute and just lowered his gaze instead, waiting for his heart to stop thundering in his chest. This had to be karma, right? Why was he being punished? He wanted to do something good for this little boy and instead he got faced with someone from his past, judging him and bringing up the worst memories.

"Thanks." He just muttered it, not sure what else to say. "I'm fine. I won't need anything anymore very soon."

Might as well make that clear, he'd already shown himself to be complete trash anyway.

Well. That was a worrying thing to hear. And given the state of him, the way he looked and spoke, he could see the signs. He was on the edge of a do or die mentality right now and it seemed like he was happier to die than do anything. Namjoon almost wanted to encourage him to keep Jungkook just to keep him alive.

"You should stay until the end of the day today, maybe. Just get Jungkook here settled before you leave. You don't have to but he's going to be alone for a little while so I think it'd be the best move." Namjoon didn't think it was either way but he was worried about letting Yoongi just walk out of here.

"I don't want you to go." Jungkook whispered again, clinging hard. "Hyung."

"Come on. You realise he'd be better off without me." Honestly. What was he going to do for the boy? But Jungkook was hugging him like that, holding on to him and he was so small and warm and he wanted to make sure he was all right. He wished he was a different person, so he could be the one to make him be all right, but that was for another life. In this one, he didn't see it happening.

"I can stay for now." Not as if he had anywhere else to be. He ate another biscuit, watching Jungkook. "You might meet other kids today, Kookie. That's going to be nice, right? You like people."

He could not relate.

"I never said anything, hyung. I just said it'd be good for the transition period." Namjoon reasoned calmly as he ate a biscuit, getting up to make tea for both of them. "No one is a naturally good candidate for kids. Men who have the best jobs can be the worst parents, people who are in the worst situations can come through and be good parents. It's not as simple as it seems. It's about who you are."

Or, at least, that's how he always saw it. He waited for the tea to brew, stirring it slowly. "I'm raising a kid and I suck at everything. I went from being at clubs all night to getting up at 5am to watch cartoons."

Namjoon laughed and came back over, setting down tea. "I'm not telling you to do anything, I'm just telling you the truth." He leaned forward, petting Jungkook's hair because he was crying again. "I'll take care of you regardless, Jungkook. Don't you worry about it. We'll get you all sorted."

Yes, definitely karma. Damn. He must have been an even worse person than he already thought he was. Yoongi tried to think past the guilt and shame he felt and ultimately all he could do was comb his fingers through Jungkook's hair while hating himself with renewed passion.

But simply staying silent was probably not an option. "How old is your kid?"

"He literally just turned six. It was a few weeks ago. It was so exciting. I got this cool Death Star cake and we defeated it together." Namjoon grinned like a dork and pulled out his phone, pulling up a picture of Tae defeating the death star with cake all over his face and hands. "This is my boy, TaeTae. He's technically my brother but I'm playing more of an appa role these days than a hyung."

Jungkook peered at the picture curiously, cocking his head to the side as he looked at the boy. He was having a lot of fun with his hyung. He wanted that. He looked up at Yoongi, who looked so sad and worried. He petted his cheek a little. "Can we destroy cake together, hyung?"

"We don't have any cake," Yoongi pointed out logically, even as he looked at the pictue that Namjoon was showing him. A cute kid. It made sense that they were brothers, otherwise the age difference wouldn't be enough. "When is your birthday, Jungkook?"

It occurred to him that he didn't even know how old the boy was and he felt ashamed again, which was ridiculous. it wasn't as if this was actually his boy, he just found him!

"It's September. I already had it. My eomma gave me a cupcake and it was nice." She couldn't afford more but they had cuddle time and split the cupcake. He missed her a lot. His lower lip wobbled as he pressed his head against Yoongi, sniffling a little. "I--I turned four so I'm a big boy now but I'm still quite little. I need my hyung."

"You'll have a lot of hyungs, Jungkook. Taehyung will love to be your hyung too." Namjoon assured him, not sure how to make this better. He smiled sadly at Yoongi, wishing he could convince him to stay but knowing how hard this probably was. "If you really have to get going, I can ... can hold the boy for a few and you can make your move."

He held his arms out, ready to take Jungkook from him.

"...it's fine." Mostly because he saw how Jungkook was clinging to him and how sure he was there wouldn't be an easy way to get him off him. He didn't even get it! He had been hungover and short of passing out the entire time he'd been with the boy, so even if he had fed him and held him at night, he didn't understand why he had grown this attached so quickly.

"Hyung is staying, all right? So don't be worried."

For now. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He didn't have the means to keep Jungkook. He didn't even have enough money to buy them more than maybe a couple dumplings and it wasn't as if he could get a job.

"I've got to set up some stuff for today so you two can stay in the kitchen, yeah? There's food and water, just knock yourself out. I'll be back in a few." Namjoon moved out of the kitchen to start getting the play area ready, putting all the chairs out, the games and toys, ready for the small kids. He tended to work with the under tens so a lot of what he put out was for children to play with.

It was around nine thirty that kids started to arrive and Namjoon knew his sitter would bring Tae soon. He just wish he had an answer to what to do with these two.

When he came back to the kitchen, he leaned in the doorway, watching Jungkook talk away to Yoongi quietly. "...And then we can make soup together, I know how to cut and peel. I can help with the vegetables. Does it have vegetables? Dooly likes meat, hyung. He's a dinosaur. We can add meat for Dooly and vegetables for us. Then it's healthy." Jungkook knew Yoongi would leave him, that it wouldn't happen - he knew the signs but ... it was nice to talk about.

"I think my eomma just always put in whatever we had around too, but it always had a lot of vegetables and some rice cakes. Meat can be in there too, so Dooly would like it." Yoongi played with Jungkook's hair, smiling at him. Such a cute boy. He really hoped that he'd have a good life. Maybe all his bad karma could balance out and this boy could have a good life instead.

"I like cooking, you know? It's a good thing to know well. You should try learning it, when you have the chance. My eomma taught me." He looked up and spotted Namjoon, his smile fading. "Are we in the way?"

"Nah, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just want to get some juice for the kids. A lot of them are here now so it'll get a bit loud. Feel free to take him out to play if you want. There's a lot of things to do." Namjoon bowed to Yoongi politely and walked over, grabbing a large carton of juice and walking back through to get out of their way.

Jungkook tilted his head back, playing with the collar of Yoongi's shirt. "Will you teach me to cook, hyung? Maybe just once. Once? Then I know. I could learn how to make soup like your eomma. Then I can tell people that's hyung's soup." And he wouldn't have to totally forget his special hyung. "... Will you visit me when you send me away?"

"I'll try to visit." It was a lie of course, but what else was he going to say? Now that Jungkook had finally calmed down a little, accepting that they'd have to separate. Yoongi wondered whether later Jungkook would look back at this and be as disgusted by him as Namjoon was. Probably. It wasn't as if he deserved any better.

He got up, holding Jungkook in his arms, and walked over to the fridge, opening it. "Maybe we can ask Namjoon whether we can cook something. Then you can eat with the other kids. Do you want to go play with them a little? It's nice, having friends."

He wondered if any of his old friends still thought about him.

"No." Jungkook had a very limited amount of time with his hyung, he wasn't going to let go of him. He held on and rested his chin on the other's shoulder, looking behind him at the door where he could hear kids playing. He didn't feel like playing today, he was sad and scared. He didn't know what was going to happen. "Hyung? Why are you always so sad? You look sad a lot."

He didn't get it. Ever since he met him, he was always tired and sad, sickly too. Namjoon mentioned a fire and he got even sadder. He worried for him.

"Is it cause you're sick or did you get sad like I did? Cause everything is bad now and I'm sad too. It's scary to be a big boy, isn't it?"

"It's very scary," Yoongi agreed, before moving over to the sink so he could wash his hands properly. He set Jungkook down first and helped him pull his sleeves up, then made sure he used the soap right. "You always have to wash your hands before cooking. And in-between cooking too, so everything is hygienic. That means being clean, yeah?"

He looked at Jungkook, pressing his lips together. It wasn't something he wanted to burden him with, but maybe an explanation would help. A little. He had loss to deal with too, after all. "There was a fire at my house. I wasn't there at the time. My eomma died in the fire. Everything burned. So that's sad."

"It is sad when you're eomma is gone." Jungkook nodded his head and let Yoongi help him wash his hands. "I bet she is very happy, hyung. Cause she can still watch you and you're a good boy. You can make her very proud and then she can brag to all the other eommas in the after life place." He dried his hands on his shirt and smiled a little at Yoongi. "I hope our eommas are friends."

He tilted his head back, as if looking up to heaven, as if they could be seen. He waved a little. "Hello, eommas. We're together so we're happy, it's okay." There. Just in case they were watching. He looked back down and reached out, trying to hug Yoongi. "You'll get new stuff to replace the burnted ones."

Edited 2019-01-27 15:56 (UTC)

Yoongi hugged Jungkook close, because he wasn't sure what else to do and in the end he crouched down on the ground, sobbing. Fuck, he needed to get himself under control! He couldn't be here, wrecked by sobs. He wasn't even drunk, he didn't have an excuse and he couldn't do that to Jungkook. He had to be the hyung.

Why was he such a loser?

"Oh no." Jungkook hugged him tight and kissed his cheek, rubbing his back to try and make it better. "It's okay, hyung. You're a really good hyung. The best. Eomma is proud, I'm proud too. And Dooly!" He held onto him, not sure what to do to make him stop crying. Maybe he needed an adult. He wasn't sure. He looked anxiously at the door and, finally, an adult did come in.

Namjoon came over to where Yoongi was crying and crouched down, setting the empty juice bottle aside so he could put an arm around the other. "Hey, Yoongi, come on. Talk to me."

This day was just a collection of nightmares coming one after the other. No wonder Namjoon didn't call him hyung. Damn. He should have burned himself when he had the chance.

Yoongi finally managed to stop sobbing, holding his breath instead and rubbing at his face as if there was any chance to pretend he hadn't cried. Weak. He was so damn weak. He finally just shook his head. What could he even say.

"Jungkook is too precious." There, that was his thought of the day. "I won't ever let anything or anyone harm you, Jungkook, I promise."

"You know it's okay to cry, yeah?" He put an arm around Yoongi's shoulder and pulled him into a sort of half hug while Jungkook backed up, not sure what to do so he just watched, hand in his mouth, studying his hyung and hoping Namjoon could fix it. "It gets on top of you. Kids, life, all this stuff. I get it, I do. Let's just ... relax a bit."

He sat on the kitchen floor, holding his hyung while Jungkook collected Dooly and brought him over for his hyung to cuddle.

"Urgh, this kitchen floor is so dirty. I'm sorry, I should really clean." Namjoon remarked as he pulled a face. "Sorry, hyung. I said I sucked and I meant it. I'm bad at everything."

"I can clean the kitchen." Yoongi wasn't expecting any money out of it or whatever, but he knew he owed Namjoon for all of this, so he might as well. Besides, he knew how to clean kitchens. Might be good to have some routine as he calmed down. "Jungkook will help. And Dooly will too."

Well, he looked like a helpful dinosaur. Yoongi petted the doll a little, then just looked at Namjoon, even though he avoided his eyes. "I can clean the kitchen and make soup. Is that okay? Jungkook wants to learn how to make soup. And all the kids here can have some."

"That'd be amazing. Thank you so much, hyung." He turned his head and looked at Dooly, holding his hands out. "I can get Dooly all fixed and cleaned, do you want to give him to me and I can take him to a special doctor?" Jungkook hesitated, nervous and afraid to give up his emotional support but he did, holding it up. Namjoon collected the toy and smiled.

"I'll go get this fixed, you two can cook and feed us. I'm so hungry."

He smiled at Yoongi and held up Dooly's hand so he could wave by to Jungkook, who giggled and waved too. Jungkook hugged onto Yoongi's leg and nuzzled him. "Shall we cook now, hyung? I gotta wash my hands again cause cleanness is important for cooking." See, he learned.

"Uh-huh. That's also why Dooly had to go get cleaned, y'know? Next time you cook, Dooly can help you." Yoongi smiled at Jungkook and then he lifted him up so he could help him wash his hands again and do the same.

Not long after, he was chopping vegetable and showing Jungkook how to peel, a pot already simmering on the stove. "My eomma had a restaurant, so I know a lot about how to keep a kitchen clean. That's always the most important thing. Hygiene."

Might as well teach him important and difficult words. "We will start by cleaning all the surfaces and the sink and then we clean the floor. It has to be so clean, you can almost see yourself in it."

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