"I don't want to take advantage of you." And that would kind of feel like he would, since it wasn't as if Namjoon really knew him or had any reason to care other than being a really nice guy. "But I can cook here again tomorrow. If I get the job. I can do it next to cleaning, I know a lot of recipes where you basically leave it to simmer for a few hours."
His eomma usually had something simmering for them later while working, so he had a lot of reference points for food like that. And the more useful he made himself, the more secure was his position, because he knew that Jungkook needed him now. He needed to get and keep it together.
"That'd be amazing. I spoke to noona again while I dished up food, she said that you can work here for a few hours each day at a base salary. You two can discuss hours after work today - she asked if you were handy. I think she misses when we had a janitor." And hell, they could afford a new one - he'd make sure Jin ensured it. That guy owed him for all the time he spent watching Siwoo.
And dealing with his boyfriends weird and irrational jealousy.
"So at the very least, I'll get you a hotel tonight and then going forward, you're always welcome to do some hours here." Namjoon supposed it was a tough line between charity and help, he just wanted to make sure that he could get them both in a stable place. "It's a nice job, good place to work. They're all very understanding."
"I can fix stuff. Used to do it a lot around the work, so yeah. I guess I'm handy." Yoongi smiled a little, not wanting to brag, but this sounded pretty good. He saw how Tae was painting a picture in the other room and he gently eased Jungkook from his lap, since the boy seemed to be full now. "Go and ask TaeTae if you can maybe draw too, yeah? Then you can draw a picture and we can hang it up when we get a room tonight. Make it homey."
Seemed like a good idea. But more importantly, it meant he was alone with Namjoon again. Yoongi lifted up his sleeves, looking at Namjoon. "I'm not an addict. So. You don't have to worry about that."
Jungkook toddled off to go and play with Tae, Namjoon watched him go with an amused smile. He had a funny run, he kind of liked it. Kids were so weird. He turned his head back and nodded, knowing why Yoongi felt the need to tell him. "I already figured. You didn't have the shakes yet so I assumed it was just booze. I can tell." He pulled up his sleeve and there, he displayed to Yoongi his shame marks.
The left over needle scars. "I was an addict before I had Tae. Kinda. My last boyfriend was such a bad influence. When I say I know what you're going through, I really do. Hitting rock bottom and then having a kid? I get it." He rolled his sleeve down sheepishly and turned his head back, making sure no one else saw. He wasn't proud of that time in his life. "Sometimes we react badly to situations. I know I did. I had that whole 'fuck you and fuck the world' attitude."
"I just wanted to die. I thought it would happen sooner." Yoongi still thought back to when he'd thought about burning himself. Maybe if he had had fuel around at that point, he would be dead now. It would be over. But he had Jungkook now. He had a reason. "I'm not craving booze either. Not right now, anyway."
Maybe it'd come later, but now that he felt less desperation, gone was the need to numb himself. Maybe this could work out. "You are amazing for getting over that. Out of that."
Kicking a drug addiction? That was pretty damn impressive. "I had the fuck you attitude in school. Now I just wanted to fuck myself over."
But suddenly there was Jungkook. He'd have to get it together. "I'll do my best for him."
"I was all just like 'yeah, genius, nothing challenges me' and trying to be cool. I wanted this guy to want me, to like me, and I was a fucking idiot about it. Trust me, withdrawal was so bad, I'd never do it again." It was only six months of his life that he used and those six months defined years of his life. It was insane how much of an impact it had. He was glad that he'd managed to get himself back on track.
Taehyung needed someone and he wasn't going to let his father ruin another boy. Seeing this small toddler he didn't even know existed made him want to be better again. And he was. He cleaned up his act, took the boy and got himself into a uni.
"It's hard with kids, isn't it? Depression and self loathing is hard to get through but when a kid looks at you when you're at your worst? It sucks." To know they had no reliance or need for them, to know that they were more likely a cautionary tale than a role model.
He was glad he could get over it. "I can't imagine the pain you're going through. You're strong to still be fighting."
"We've all done stupid shit to get a guy to want us. I know I have." Not drugs, but hey. There was a lot of other bullshit one could do. "Tae's a good hyung. Means he must have been raised really well. You are a hero for that, especially after all that."
Yoongi figured he could take that as a sign. It was possible. Namjoon had done it, maybe he could do it too. He smiled a little and ruffled his hair, unused to it feeling so fluffy by now. It had probably dried all wavy, but he didn't even care. "You are a cool guy, Joon-ah. Sorry the only thing I remember from school is you being cute and the blood."
"Ah, don't worry about it. Most people remember me for stupid things. For a long time here, I was known as the guy who got his foot stuck in the toilet." Namjoon stated almost proudly before realising he said that to Yoongi of all people. Fuck! Blushing, he covered his face. Why did he keep embarrassing himself?
"Or I wasn't and I never said that." Okay, time to go back to work, he'd embarrassed himself enough. "Come on, I have to work and you have to talk to the manager."
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no subject
His eomma usually had something simmering for them later while working, so he had a lot of reference points for food like that. And the more useful he made himself, the more secure was his position, because he knew that Jungkook needed him now. He needed to get and keep it together.
no subject
And dealing with his boyfriends weird and irrational jealousy.
"So at the very least, I'll get you a hotel tonight and then going forward, you're always welcome to do some hours here." Namjoon supposed it was a tough line between charity and help, he just wanted to make sure that he could get them both in a stable place. "It's a nice job, good place to work. They're all very understanding."
no subject
Seemed like a good idea. But more importantly, it meant he was alone with Namjoon again. Yoongi lifted up his sleeves, looking at Namjoon. "I'm not an addict. So. You don't have to worry about that."
no subject
The left over needle scars. "I was an addict before I had Tae. Kinda. My last boyfriend was such a bad influence. When I say I know what you're going through, I really do. Hitting rock bottom and then having a kid? I get it." He rolled his sleeve down sheepishly and turned his head back, making sure no one else saw. He wasn't proud of that time in his life. "Sometimes we react badly to situations. I know I did. I had that whole 'fuck you and fuck the world' attitude."
no subject
Maybe it'd come later, but now that he felt less desperation, gone was the need to numb himself. Maybe this could work out. "You are amazing for getting over that. Out of that."
Kicking a drug addiction? That was pretty damn impressive. "I had the fuck you attitude in school. Now I just wanted to fuck myself over."
But suddenly there was Jungkook. He'd have to get it together. "I'll do my best for him."
no subject
Taehyung needed someone and he wasn't going to let his father ruin another boy. Seeing this small toddler he didn't even know existed made him want to be better again. And he was. He cleaned up his act, took the boy and got himself into a uni.
"It's hard with kids, isn't it? Depression and self loathing is hard to get through but when a kid looks at you when you're at your worst? It sucks." To know they had no reliance or need for them, to know that they were more likely a cautionary tale than a role model.
He was glad he could get over it. "I can't imagine the pain you're going through. You're strong to still be fighting."
no subject
Yoongi figured he could take that as a sign. It was possible. Namjoon had done it, maybe he could do it too. He smiled a little and ruffled his hair, unused to it feeling so fluffy by now. It had probably dried all wavy, but he didn't even care. "You are a cool guy, Joon-ah. Sorry the only thing I remember from school is you being cute and the blood."
no subject
"Or I wasn't and I never said that." Okay, time to go back to work, he'd embarrassed himself enough. "Come on, I have to work and you have to talk to the manager."