"We don't have any cake," Yoongi pointed out logically, even as he looked at the pictue that Namjoon was showing him. A cute kid. It made sense that they were brothers, otherwise the age difference wouldn't be enough. "When is your birthday, Jungkook?"
It occurred to him that he didn't even know how old the boy was and he felt ashamed again, which was ridiculous. it wasn't as if this was actually his boy, he just found him!
"It's September. I already had it. My eomma gave me a cupcake and it was nice." She couldn't afford more but they had cuddle time and split the cupcake. He missed her a lot. His lower lip wobbled as he pressed his head against Yoongi, sniffling a little. "I--I turned four so I'm a big boy now but I'm still quite little. I need my hyung."
"You'll have a lot of hyungs, Jungkook. Taehyung will love to be your hyung too." Namjoon assured him, not sure how to make this better. He smiled sadly at Yoongi, wishing he could convince him to stay but knowing how hard this probably was. "If you really have to get going, I can ... can hold the boy for a few and you can make your move."
He held his arms out, ready to take Jungkook from him.
"...it's fine." Mostly because he saw how Jungkook was clinging to him and how sure he was there wouldn't be an easy way to get him off him. He didn't even get it! He had been hungover and short of passing out the entire time he'd been with the boy, so even if he had fed him and held him at night, he didn't understand why he had grown this attached so quickly.
"Hyung is staying, all right? So don't be worried."
For now. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He didn't have the means to keep Jungkook. He didn't even have enough money to buy them more than maybe a couple dumplings and it wasn't as if he could get a job.
"I've got to set up some stuff for today so you two can stay in the kitchen, yeah? There's food and water, just knock yourself out. I'll be back in a few." Namjoon moved out of the kitchen to start getting the play area ready, putting all the chairs out, the games and toys, ready for the small kids. He tended to work with the under tens so a lot of what he put out was for children to play with.
It was around nine thirty that kids started to arrive and Namjoon knew his sitter would bring Tae soon. He just wish he had an answer to what to do with these two.
When he came back to the kitchen, he leaned in the doorway, watching Jungkook talk away to Yoongi quietly. "...And then we can make soup together, I know how to cut and peel. I can help with the vegetables. Does it have vegetables? Dooly likes meat, hyung. He's a dinosaur. We can add meat for Dooly and vegetables for us. Then it's healthy." Jungkook knew Yoongi would leave him, that it wouldn't happen - he knew the signs but ... it was nice to talk about.
"I think my eomma just always put in whatever we had around too, but it always had a lot of vegetables and some rice cakes. Meat can be in there too, so Dooly would like it." Yoongi played with Jungkook's hair, smiling at him. Such a cute boy. He really hoped that he'd have a good life. Maybe all his bad karma could balance out and this boy could have a good life instead.
"I like cooking, you know? It's a good thing to know well. You should try learning it, when you have the chance. My eomma taught me." He looked up and spotted Namjoon, his smile fading. "Are we in the way?"
"Nah, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just want to get some juice for the kids. A lot of them are here now so it'll get a bit loud. Feel free to take him out to play if you want. There's a lot of things to do." Namjoon bowed to Yoongi politely and walked over, grabbing a large carton of juice and walking back through to get out of their way.
Jungkook tilted his head back, playing with the collar of Yoongi's shirt. "Will you teach me to cook, hyung? Maybe just once. Once? Then I know. I could learn how to make soup like your eomma. Then I can tell people that's hyung's soup." And he wouldn't have to totally forget his special hyung. "... Will you visit me when you send me away?"
"I'll try to visit." It was a lie of course, but what else was he going to say? Now that Jungkook had finally calmed down a little, accepting that they'd have to separate. Yoongi wondered whether later Jungkook would look back at this and be as disgusted by him as Namjoon was. Probably. It wasn't as if he deserved any better.
He got up, holding Jungkook in his arms, and walked over to the fridge, opening it. "Maybe we can ask Namjoon whether we can cook something. Then you can eat with the other kids. Do you want to go play with them a little? It's nice, having friends."
He wondered if any of his old friends still thought about him.
"No." Jungkook had a very limited amount of time with his hyung, he wasn't going to let go of him. He held on and rested his chin on the other's shoulder, looking behind him at the door where he could hear kids playing. He didn't feel like playing today, he was sad and scared. He didn't know what was going to happen. "Hyung? Why are you always so sad? You look sad a lot."
He didn't get it. Ever since he met him, he was always tired and sad, sickly too. Namjoon mentioned a fire and he got even sadder. He worried for him.
"Is it cause you're sick or did you get sad like I did? Cause everything is bad now and I'm sad too. It's scary to be a big boy, isn't it?"
"It's very scary," Yoongi agreed, before moving over to the sink so he could wash his hands properly. He set Jungkook down first and helped him pull his sleeves up, then made sure he used the soap right. "You always have to wash your hands before cooking. And in-between cooking too, so everything is hygienic. That means being clean, yeah?"
He looked at Jungkook, pressing his lips together. It wasn't something he wanted to burden him with, but maybe an explanation would help. A little. He had loss to deal with too, after all. "There was a fire at my house. I wasn't there at the time. My eomma died in the fire. Everything burned. So that's sad."
"It is sad when you're eomma is gone." Jungkook nodded his head and let Yoongi help him wash his hands. "I bet she is very happy, hyung. Cause she can still watch you and you're a good boy. You can make her very proud and then she can brag to all the other eommas in the after life place." He dried his hands on his shirt and smiled a little at Yoongi. "I hope our eommas are friends."
He tilted his head back, as if looking up to heaven, as if they could be seen. He waved a little. "Hello, eommas. We're together so we're happy, it's okay." There. Just in case they were watching. He looked back down and reached out, trying to hug Yoongi. "You'll get new stuff to replace the burnted ones."
Yoongi hugged Jungkook close, because he wasn't sure what else to do and in the end he crouched down on the ground, sobbing. Fuck, he needed to get himself under control! He couldn't be here, wrecked by sobs. He wasn't even drunk, he didn't have an excuse and he couldn't do that to Jungkook. He had to be the hyung.
"Oh no." Jungkook hugged him tight and kissed his cheek, rubbing his back to try and make it better. "It's okay, hyung. You're a really good hyung. The best. Eomma is proud, I'm proud too. And Dooly!" He held onto him, not sure what to do to make him stop crying. Maybe he needed an adult. He wasn't sure. He looked anxiously at the door and, finally, an adult did come in.
Namjoon came over to where Yoongi was crying and crouched down, setting the empty juice bottle aside so he could put an arm around the other. "Hey, Yoongi, come on. Talk to me."
This day was just a collection of nightmares coming one after the other. No wonder Namjoon didn't call him hyung. Damn. He should have burned himself when he had the chance.
Yoongi finally managed to stop sobbing, holding his breath instead and rubbing at his face as if there was any chance to pretend he hadn't cried. Weak. He was so damn weak. He finally just shook his head. What could he even say.
"Jungkook is too precious." There, that was his thought of the day. "I won't ever let anything or anyone harm you, Jungkook, I promise."
"You know it's okay to cry, yeah?" He put an arm around Yoongi's shoulder and pulled him into a sort of half hug while Jungkook backed up, not sure what to do so he just watched, hand in his mouth, studying his hyung and hoping Namjoon could fix it. "It gets on top of you. Kids, life, all this stuff. I get it, I do. Let's just ... relax a bit."
He sat on the kitchen floor, holding his hyung while Jungkook collected Dooly and brought him over for his hyung to cuddle.
"Urgh, this kitchen floor is so dirty. I'm sorry, I should really clean." Namjoon remarked as he pulled a face. "Sorry, hyung. I said I sucked and I meant it. I'm bad at everything."
"I can clean the kitchen." Yoongi wasn't expecting any money out of it or whatever, but he knew he owed Namjoon for all of this, so he might as well. Besides, he knew how to clean kitchens. Might be good to have some routine as he calmed down. "Jungkook will help. And Dooly will too."
Well, he looked like a helpful dinosaur. Yoongi petted the doll a little, then just looked at Namjoon, even though he avoided his eyes. "I can clean the kitchen and make soup. Is that okay? Jungkook wants to learn how to make soup. And all the kids here can have some."
"That'd be amazing. Thank you so much, hyung." He turned his head and looked at Dooly, holding his hands out. "I can get Dooly all fixed and cleaned, do you want to give him to me and I can take him to a special doctor?" Jungkook hesitated, nervous and afraid to give up his emotional support but he did, holding it up. Namjoon collected the toy and smiled.
"I'll go get this fixed, you two can cook and feed us. I'm so hungry."
He smiled at Yoongi and held up Dooly's hand so he could wave by to Jungkook, who giggled and waved too. Jungkook hugged onto Yoongi's leg and nuzzled him. "Shall we cook now, hyung? I gotta wash my hands again cause cleanness is important for cooking." See, he learned.
"Uh-huh. That's also why Dooly had to go get cleaned, y'know? Next time you cook, Dooly can help you." Yoongi smiled at Jungkook and then he lifted him up so he could help him wash his hands again and do the same.
Not long after, he was chopping vegetable and showing Jungkook how to peel, a pot already simmering on the stove. "My eomma had a restaurant, so I know a lot about how to keep a kitchen clean. That's always the most important thing. Hygiene."
Might as well teach him important and difficult words. "We will start by cleaning all the surfaces and the sink and then we clean the floor. It has to be so clean, you can almost see yourself in it."
"Hygiene!" Jungkook cheered for hygiene because why not? He took his role very seriously and cleaned whatever was asked of him, scrubbing as hard as he could. "My eomma worked at home, she had a lot of people come over. Men. They weren't all good men but some were really nice." They gave him candy and called him things like kiddo and champ. He was a champ.
He smiled a little, sticking his tongue out as he finished cleaning the counter and moving along to the next surface. "I had a sometimes appa but he was mean so I don't want to see him ever."
Which is what made him kind of worried. "The policemen will want me to see him and I don't wanna."
"...I see." Yoongi frowned, wondering. "He's not your real appa, right?"
He had to wonder. Jungkook was four. Yoongi didn't want him to have to end up with one of his mother's johns - because he had to assume that was what it was, not that he judged her - especially if it was one he disliked. He moved over to quickly go over the surface Jungkook had cleaned, just making sure it was really clean. He was a young kid after all.
"Do you know who your real appa is? Have you ever met him?"
"I dunno. Eomma said he was appa now. He said he'd sell me to the circus if he had to live with me." He wasn't sure who his appa was but he was around the most and he didn't overly like him. He didn't want to live at the circus! He cleaned harder and then peered into the surface, checking if he could see himself. Not good enough, he'd keep cleaning! "Eomma gave him money."
So, mostly likely, more an employer than a father but Jungkook always had to call him appa and be polite.
"I had lots of appas." He finished cleaning and hopped down so he could start on the table, excited to do a good job and be praised. "I never had a hyung though."
"I see." Yoongi frowned, still thinking. "You are so fast, Jungkookie! And everything is so clean. Wow, you are amazing!"
He really had to figure this out. Quickly. "Jungkook, you know... If people thought that I was your appa, your real appa, that would mean you could stay with me."
This was a horrible plan for so many, many reasons, but somehow at that moment it seemed like a great suggestion to make. "I could be, you know? I'm old enough."
"My appa?" Jungkook giggled at his hyung, not sure if he was serious or not. He frowned at him when he saw how Yoongi was looking at him. "I ... My eomma said one of the good men was my appa so maybe you're one of the good men?" He wasn't sure. Could he be his appa? He frowned and tilted his head to the side, trying to recall Yoongi.
"You are a grown up." And that was pretty much the main qualifier for appa when it came to young kids. Male, older, caring. "Can you be my appa?"
Then he wouldn't have to go with the police and be alone and scared any more. He looked curiously at Yoongi. "I could clean every day and make us money so we can ride the nice bus! I'll even only eat a little, tiny bit and I'll never be in the way."
"Yeah, I'm a grown up. I'm your appa." Damn. This was probably a really dumb idea, but if he could now keep Namjoon from calling the cops, he might be able to keep this up long enough to... To get a job, he supposed. He turned to open one of the cupboards and found a bucket, filling it so he could start cleaning the floor, as promised.
"Hey, Jungkookie, can you tell me your eomma's name?" He should maybe know that if he was going to fake all of this. Although he had no idea how to proceed. Damn, he'd need papers for Jungkook and... No, this really likely wouldn't work, but he could try. It was better than burning, right?
"Jeon Hyun-Ae." Jungkook informed him with a smile as he did a little dance where he stood, squealing excitedly as he climbed up a chair so he didn't get wet while Yoongi mopped. "I have an appa! This means I won't be all alone. We can be together, hy-- appa. And I'll help you and you'll help me so we won't be lonely or sad."
And soon he'd get Dooly back and they'd be a whole family. He continued to clean the table, singing to himself as he did, By the time Namjoon came back, holding a boy in his arms, he looked around in awe. "Damn... you really cleaned. Man. I can see my face in the floor. Can you see yours, TaeTae?"
Namjoon tilted Tae playfully towards the floor, pretending to drop him.
"YES! Whoooah, hyung, look how clean things can be!" Tae only giggled at Namjoon pretending to drop, clearly not actually worried. He smiled at Jungkook, waving eagerly. "I watched your Dooly getting surgery! He was really brave and I held his hand so he wouldn't be scared. Now he's getting all clean!"
He had been very fascinated by the whole process.
"I'm good at cleaning." Yoongi looked around, fairly happy at how it looked now. The soup was smelling good now, so hey. He had done something productive today. And he might be about to do something really stupid. Yoongi looked at Namjoon, taking a deep breath. "Can we talk?"
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It occurred to him that he didn't even know how old the boy was and he felt ashamed again, which was ridiculous. it wasn't as if this was actually his boy, he just found him!
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"You'll have a lot of hyungs, Jungkook. Taehyung will love to be your hyung too." Namjoon assured him, not sure how to make this better. He smiled sadly at Yoongi, wishing he could convince him to stay but knowing how hard this probably was. "If you really have to get going, I can ... can hold the boy for a few and you can make your move."
He held his arms out, ready to take Jungkook from him.
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"Hyung is staying, all right? So don't be worried."
For now. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He didn't have the means to keep Jungkook. He didn't even have enough money to buy them more than maybe a couple dumplings and it wasn't as if he could get a job.
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It was around nine thirty that kids started to arrive and Namjoon knew his sitter would bring Tae soon. He just wish he had an answer to what to do with these two.
When he came back to the kitchen, he leaned in the doorway, watching Jungkook talk away to Yoongi quietly. "...And then we can make soup together, I know how to cut and peel. I can help with the vegetables. Does it have vegetables? Dooly likes meat, hyung. He's a dinosaur. We can add meat for Dooly and vegetables for us. Then it's healthy." Jungkook knew Yoongi would leave him, that it wouldn't happen - he knew the signs but ... it was nice to talk about.
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"I like cooking, you know? It's a good thing to know well. You should try learning it, when you have the chance. My eomma taught me." He looked up and spotted Namjoon, his smile fading. "Are we in the way?"
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Jungkook tilted his head back, playing with the collar of Yoongi's shirt. "Will you teach me to cook, hyung? Maybe just once. Once? Then I know. I could learn how to make soup like your eomma. Then I can tell people that's hyung's soup." And he wouldn't have to totally forget his special hyung. "... Will you visit me when you send me away?"
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He got up, holding Jungkook in his arms, and walked over to the fridge, opening it. "Maybe we can ask Namjoon whether we can cook something. Then you can eat with the other kids. Do you want to go play with them a little? It's nice, having friends."
He wondered if any of his old friends still thought about him.
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He didn't get it. Ever since he met him, he was always tired and sad, sickly too. Namjoon mentioned a fire and he got even sadder. He worried for him.
"Is it cause you're sick or did you get sad like I did? Cause everything is bad now and I'm sad too. It's scary to be a big boy, isn't it?"
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He looked at Jungkook, pressing his lips together. It wasn't something he wanted to burden him with, but maybe an explanation would help. A little. He had loss to deal with too, after all. "There was a fire at my house. I wasn't there at the time. My eomma died in the fire. Everything burned. So that's sad."
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He tilted his head back, as if looking up to heaven, as if they could be seen. He waved a little. "Hello, eommas. We're together so we're happy, it's okay." There. Just in case they were watching. He looked back down and reached out, trying to hug Yoongi. "You'll get new stuff to replace the burnted ones."
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Why was he such a loser?
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Namjoon came over to where Yoongi was crying and crouched down, setting the empty juice bottle aside so he could put an arm around the other. "Hey, Yoongi, come on. Talk to me."
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Yoongi finally managed to stop sobbing, holding his breath instead and rubbing at his face as if there was any chance to pretend he hadn't cried. Weak. He was so damn weak. He finally just shook his head. What could he even say.
"Jungkook is too precious." There, that was his thought of the day. "I won't ever let anything or anyone harm you, Jungkook, I promise."
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He sat on the kitchen floor, holding his hyung while Jungkook collected Dooly and brought him over for his hyung to cuddle.
"Urgh, this kitchen floor is so dirty. I'm sorry, I should really clean." Namjoon remarked as he pulled a face. "Sorry, hyung. I said I sucked and I meant it. I'm bad at everything."
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Well, he looked like a helpful dinosaur. Yoongi petted the doll a little, then just looked at Namjoon, even though he avoided his eyes. "I can clean the kitchen and make soup. Is that okay? Jungkook wants to learn how to make soup. And all the kids here can have some."
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"I'll go get this fixed, you two can cook and feed us. I'm so hungry."
He smiled at Yoongi and held up Dooly's hand so he could wave by to Jungkook, who giggled and waved too. Jungkook hugged onto Yoongi's leg and nuzzled him. "Shall we cook now, hyung? I gotta wash my hands again cause cleanness is important for cooking." See, he learned.
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Not long after, he was chopping vegetable and showing Jungkook how to peel, a pot already simmering on the stove. "My eomma had a restaurant, so I know a lot about how to keep a kitchen clean. That's always the most important thing. Hygiene."
Might as well teach him important and difficult words. "We will start by cleaning all the surfaces and the sink and then we clean the floor. It has to be so clean, you can almost see yourself in it."
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He smiled a little, sticking his tongue out as he finished cleaning the counter and moving along to the next surface. "I had a sometimes appa but he was mean so I don't want to see him ever."
Which is what made him kind of worried. "The policemen will want me to see him and I don't wanna."
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He had to wonder. Jungkook was four. Yoongi didn't want him to have to end up with one of his mother's johns - because he had to assume that was what it was, not that he judged her - especially if it was one he disliked. He moved over to quickly go over the surface Jungkook had cleaned, just making sure it was really clean. He was a young kid after all.
"Do you know who your real appa is? Have you ever met him?"
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So, mostly likely, more an employer than a father but Jungkook always had to call him appa and be polite.
"I had lots of appas." He finished cleaning and hopped down so he could start on the table, excited to do a good job and be praised. "I never had a hyung though."
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He really had to figure this out. Quickly. "Jungkook, you know... If people thought that I was your appa, your real appa, that would mean you could stay with me."
This was a horrible plan for so many, many reasons, but somehow at that moment it seemed like a great suggestion to make. "I could be, you know? I'm old enough."
Barely.
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"You are a grown up." And that was pretty much the main qualifier for appa when it came to young kids. Male, older, caring. "Can you be my appa?"
Then he wouldn't have to go with the police and be alone and scared any more. He looked curiously at Yoongi. "I could clean every day and make us money so we can ride the nice bus! I'll even only eat a little, tiny bit and I'll never be in the way."
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"Hey, Jungkookie, can you tell me your eomma's name?" He should maybe know that if he was going to fake all of this. Although he had no idea how to proceed. Damn, he'd need papers for Jungkook and... No, this really likely wouldn't work, but he could try. It was better than burning, right?
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And soon he'd get Dooly back and they'd be a whole family. He continued to clean the table, singing to himself as he did, By the time Namjoon came back, holding a boy in his arms, he looked around in awe. "Damn... you really cleaned. Man. I can see my face in the floor. Can you see yours, TaeTae?"
Namjoon tilted Tae playfully towards the floor, pretending to drop him.
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He had been very fascinated by the whole process.
"I'm good at cleaning." Yoongi looked around, fairly happy at how it looked now. The soup was smelling good now, so hey. He had done something productive today. And he might be about to do something really stupid. Yoongi looked at Namjoon, taking a deep breath. "Can we talk?"
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