"Oh... great, you matched me with a guy pretending to be Min Yoongi." Was he supposed to be impressed? "I'm not going to date some sad weirdo who is just using his pictures. Look at that picture? It's a freaking model pic." Shaking his head at how naive Hobi was, he looked back at the kids and made sure they were sharing nicely. It was important to keep on top of that or they'd have another 'block incident' on their hands.
Those were ugly days. "Swipe or click or whatever, just make sure it's a no and then please delete my profile and delete all the selfies you collected of me."
"Oh, come on. Look, you can install it on your phone and log in, then change your password, it's all yours! What's the harm in chatting with a guy? Especially a guy who even pretends to look like that? It's a nice fantasy, right?" Besides, hey. It could be real, it wasn't as if celebrities were somehow banned from using grindr. "Like, worst case, you get a conversation with a guy who likes Min Yoongi enough to wanna be him. That's not so bad!"
"It's weird and no, it's not fun. I can't date and I won't flirt with a strange guy who could look like anything." He reached out and snagged Hobi's phone, feeling a bit annoyed with it all. He scanned the profile, huffed and opened the chat thing. "I'm not going to have this sh--- sheep installed on my phone." Sheep. Not shit. He had tiny boys in the room.
use a real picture of yourself this is creepy rp on tumblr, u weirdo
He handed the phone back to Hobi and shrugged. "Block him. I don't want a real conversation."
"You are just no fun. Seriously, you could just troll the guy! What's your issue?" Hobi shook his head, sighing. "You are acting way too grown up, Namjoon. Where's the guy who stuffed my bra so I could pretend to be your mother at parent teacher night?! All I've done for you and you won't even talk to fake Agust D for me."
Such a shame, such betrayal. Hobi sighed heavily and his phone vibrated, so he showed it to Namjoon.
professionals take better pictures than I do you didn't take those pictures of you either cute tho
"You sucked as my mom. You forgot my surname. And your one boob well out... and you told everyone you were the victim of falling boob syndrome." Namjoon did smile a little. He remembered those days. He remembered being young and struggling even then, handling a baby and a drunk dad, trying to make everything work. He supposed he did owe Hobi a lot, he pretty much kept him going.
With a roll of his eyes, he held out his hand. "Fine, I'll troll Fake D for you. But you owe me."
Taking Hobi's phone, he leaned back and read the response, raising an eyebrow. It'd be more of a compliment if he wasn't so sure that Grindr had low standards for hot.
my friend made the profile of me behind my back
Agust D, go back to making CDs and stop dicking around on grindr. especially since your last album phoned it in.
"Listen, my boy, I'm the best mother you could ever ask for! And falling boob syndrome is no laughing matt-- What is it, Jungkook?" Hobi immediately got up, because he'd noticed tears on Jungkook's cheeks. That could be just about anything, last time he'd cried because he couldn't make a circle look the way he wanted it to. The boy was a perfectionist.
Jungkook was wailing at the top of his voice before Tae had nudged him ever so slightly by accident and he'd coloured out of the line. Now all was lost, everything was ruined and this pretty bunny he was colouring an odd pink colour was now deformed. "He-He-He made me--" He was too busy sobbing to get the damn words out.
Namjoon was trying to focus on texting, keeping an eye on the situation. "You're a good mom, Hobi. Watching our boys."
Yeah, he's my mom. For 5 years straight now <3 shitty cook tho
Uuuh, like, you know. I think most of the tracks fine but you can tell he didn't have a lot of time so it's like he produced the seven songs and then the studio pushed the rest in. Then it's all generic shit.
I don't care about bitches, cash and what big things you'll buy. Give me more feeeels.
Hobi hugged Jungkook close, holding him in his arms and tucked against his chest, while Tae looked very distraught.
"I didn't mean to, hyungie! I didn't! Kookie, I'm sorry!"
Yes, he was already near tears as well. Hobi reached for the orange pencil and used it to draw a carrot where Jungkook had ever so slightly gone over the line, to mask that. "There we go. What do you think, Kookie? Looks like your bunny was just hungry!"
"Tae, it's okay, relax." Namjoon called out with a small smile, wanting the boys to calm down. Jimin was already there, hugging Tae, so he was sure these tiny boys would all be hugging soon enough. They were like an emotional support group for the tiny and fragile. Jungkook's sobs eased up a little as he looked at the carrot, his bottom lip sticking out as he considered it.
"... You didn't draw the grass bit on top." Jungkook mumbled, turning into Hobi's shirt.
With the crisis easing out, Namjoon looked back at his phone and huffed. This guy, he talked some bullshit. Did he think knowing about contracts proved anything.
I'm not allowed, my other hyung cooks. I'm banned from cooking. And driving. And dancing.
He has to release 12 and he phones the rest in, not blaming him cause you can't make that much in the span of time but, you know.
wait, sorry, not he - you, right :P
cause you're the real deal. on grindr. for some reason.
"That's right! Good I have you to remind me, huh?" Hobi reached for a nice green and added the pit on top, trying to make it look nice. Luckily kids that age had relatively low standards of beautiful drawing, even kids like Jungkook. "How's that?"
Tae snuggled Jimin, glad that Jungkook had stopped crying. "It's a really cute bunny, Kookie."
why are you banned from everything?
jsyk, next time is gonna be different. renegotiated... hope you'll like the results, working on it now
yeah. the real deal. on grindr.
if you have to know, i was making a point to a guy
"It's so cute, you did so good, Kookie!" Jimin praised too as he cling onto Tae, watching Jungkook study the picture and then nodding slowly in approval. Kids were, fortunately, easy to please. Jungkook wiped his eyes and noses with his sleeve.
"Thank you, hyung." He supposed the bunny was just hungry. Huh. "Hungry bunny... I'm hungry too."
I'm a human disaster. I can't cut an onion.
Once I tried to make fried rice, cut my little finger off... like half way! It got stitched back on and you can barely tell now but Jin did faint and bash his head. He still has a scar so he's bitter.
if you're the real deal
prove it and maaaaaybe i'll believe you
and then i'll show you the BEST tribute act of Agust D. Ever.
"Yeah? How about we see if we can't get some food over at your brother's, Jiminie? What do you think?" Hobi smiled and then glanced over at Namjoon. Clearly his friend was busy and, honestly, he could use some alone time. That had been the entire motivation behind this stupid prank.
how the hell would i prove it?
come on, if i wanted to use a celeb to get laid, i'd not use me
Jungkook wanted to sit back down, making grabby hands at the crayons and contently resettling next to Tae, not wear or upset any more. Jimin was very happy to jump up, holding his hand out to Hobi with the biggest smile. "Let's get snacks, hyung! I can tell you back all the snacks I like. I have a list of my favourites. Do you wanna hear it? MooMoo the cow has one too."
His stuffed cow was quite the foodie.
take a picture with a news paper or idk send me your new mix tape
Agust D is hot but rappers tend not to be broadly appealing so you could get away with it, it's an easy ploy.
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Those were ugly days. "Swipe or click or whatever, just make sure it's a no and then please delete my profile and delete all the selfies you collected of me."
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use a real picture of yourself
this is creepy
rp on tumblr, u weirdo
He handed the phone back to Hobi and shrugged. "Block him. I don't want a real conversation."
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Such a shame, such betrayal. Hobi sighed heavily and his phone vibrated, so he showed it to Namjoon.
professionals take better pictures than I do
you didn't take those pictures of you either
cute tho
"Look! Agust D thinks you're cute."
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With a roll of his eyes, he held out his hand. "Fine, I'll troll Fake D for you. But you owe me."
Taking Hobi's phone, he leaned back and read the response, raising an eyebrow. It'd be more of a compliment if he wasn't so sure that Grindr had low standards for hot.
my friend made the profile of me behind my back
Agust D, go back to making CDs and stop dicking around on grindr.
especially since your last album phoned it in.
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you got an interesting friend
huh
that's your actual opinion of the album?
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Namjoon was trying to focus on texting, keeping an eye on the situation. "You're a good mom, Hobi. Watching our boys."
Yeah, he's my mom.
For 5 years straight now <3 shitty cook tho
Uuuh, like, you know. I think most of the tracks fine but you can tell he didn't have a lot of time so it's like he produced the seven songs and then the studio pushed the rest in. Then it's all generic shit.
I don't care about bitches, cash and what big things you'll buy.
Give me more feeeels.
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"I didn't mean to, hyungie! I didn't! Kookie, I'm sorry!"
Yes, he was already near tears as well. Hobi reached for the orange pencil and used it to draw a carrot where Jungkook had ever so slightly gone over the line, to mask that. "There we go. What do you think, Kookie? Looks like your bunny was just hungry!"
guess youll have to be the cook then
i wanted a mixtape
just seven songs
you got it right
contracts are a bitch
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"... You didn't draw the grass bit on top." Jungkook mumbled, turning into Hobi's shirt.
With the crisis easing out, Namjoon looked back at his phone and huffed. This guy, he talked some bullshit. Did he think knowing about contracts proved anything.
I'm not allowed, my other hyung cooks.
I'm banned from cooking. And driving. And dancing.
He has to release 12 and he phones the rest in, not blaming him cause you can't make that much in the span of time but, you know.
wait, sorry, not he - you, right :P
cause you're the real deal. on grindr. for some reason.
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Tae snuggled Jimin, glad that Jungkook had stopped crying. "It's a really cute bunny, Kookie."
why are you banned from everything?
jsyk, next time is gonna be different. renegotiated... hope you'll like the results, working on it now
yeah. the real deal. on grindr.
if you have to know, i was making a point to a guy
probably gonna end up deleting it soon
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"Thank you, hyung." He supposed the bunny was just hungry. Huh. "Hungry bunny... I'm hungry too."
I'm a human disaster. I can't cut an onion.
Once I tried to make fried rice, cut my little finger off... like half way! It got stitched back on and you can barely tell now but Jin did faint and bash his head. He still has a scar so he's bitter.
if you're the real deal
prove it and maaaaaybe i'll believe you
and then i'll show you the BEST tribute act of Agust D. Ever.
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how the hell would i prove it?
come on, if i wanted to use a celeb to get laid, i'd not use me
that came out weird, whatever, i stand by it
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His stuffed cow was quite the foodie.
take a picture with a news paper
or idk
send me your new mix tape
Agust D is hot but rappers tend not to be broadly appealing so you could get away with it, it's an easy ploy.
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u think im hot?
"I'd love to hear it," Hobi enthused, while getting up and then taking Jimin's hand. "Let's go get snacks. And you two, no fighting!"
Tae looked at them as if there had never been any fighting in the history of the world, eyes big, round and innocent, just nodding in agreement.
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idk why the fuck you think a guy like agust d would swipe yes on an ugly bastard like me but I'm sure you have your reasons, random internet guy
mix tape, send it to me. or tickets to your fanmeet.
"No fighting." Jungkook repeated as he hugged Tae and also looked at Hobi, eyes big, round and innocent. "Kookie loves TaeTae. Why would I fight?"
While those two looked the picture of saints, Jimin babbled on about what kind of sushi his moo cow liked and tried his best to help Hobi.
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plus, your profile made me laugh, tho i guess thats on your friend
i cant send you that, breaks my contract and i literally dont have those tickets, im not selling them
Hobi rolled his eyes, but headed out of the apartment with Jimin, leaving Tae and Jungkook to their cuddling session of innocence.
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then you're not him, tragic
look, dude, you gotta give me something here. Post on twitter something that only I'd know. Oh, post that you can cut an onion.
Tilting his head back, Namjoon watched Hobi leave then looked back at his boys. God, he hoped they'd stay chill and quiet.
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but see, you could have hacked the account? it's not that hard.
I can do it too.
HMMMMMMM
you really should send me some songs ...
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nice try
how the hell can you not cut an onion?
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i don't get it either.
you just cut it like an apple, right? but jin yelled when i did that. and when i tried last time, he cried and made me leave the kitchen.
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all right, this onion tweet is actually hilarious, people are already making conspiracy theories
you hide some hints for stuff and suddenly everythings a hint
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Awww, who is the onion?
GOOD QUESTION
AGUST D, WHO IS YOUR ONION??? TELL ME NOW. Who must you unpeel?
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who knows! myself, maybe
ill unpeel and make you cry
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nah, dude, you don't went to unpeel me.
or date/fuck/whatever people do on here with me.
especially if you're agust d
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