"...who's Yoongi?" Well, he couldn't know every single member of staff and if anyone had ever mentioned someone called Yoongi, he sure didn't remember. He pushed Ten aside, but only a little. He would just do his best to ignore the attempts as much as possible. "Please don't hurt them." Whoever they were. Well, he knew who Jungkook was.
"Jungkook is still so young. He's just working here to afford his studies." And he always tried so hard.
"The sexy janitor with the big dick." Ten explained helpfully as he nuzzled into Jin's chest and nipped lightly at his collar bone. He straddled Jin's thigh and rocked against him, gripping him tight. "Jungkook is a year older than me and it's fine for me to have to deal with this kinda of shit so I'm sure he can suck it up."
His words wavered with a breathlessness as he leaned into Jin and whimpered. It didn't feel good to do this, he wasn't a rapist but -- he needed relief. "I'm sorry. I'll make it good for you, promise. Just hold still. I need to -- I have to, okay?" He tried telling him that in session before, it wasn't that he wanted to, it just happened.
"Why are you just targeting some janitor!" How did that even begin to make sense? Jungkook he could see, unfortunately. "It's not fine for you to do this stuff either. It's not fine for you to do this to me. It's not who you are, Ten. You are not like that. You should stop now. You'll feel bad later."
Jin pushed Ten a little, but he kept from lashing out, much as he felt the urge. "You don't want to. You can control yourself. Move away now. Touch yourself if you have to. Don't ever force anybody. That's not you."
"It's not forcing, I'm not fucking you, I jus--" Ten felt too guilty to continue and stayed still, unsure what to do now. His body was telling him one thing and his head another, with Jin clear not enjoying himself. It was a good long minute of nothing before he slid out of Jin's lap and to the side, hands over his dick. He looked down and bit his lip. "You don't know me."
So there. He didn't like when people acted like they knew him. "Bet you don't even know my name. No one does. They can never remember it." It was long, he guessed he got it. "You pushed me... you were pissed."
"You are Thai, I thought Thai people didn't like being addressed by their given names." At least that made the absurd naming a bit more understandable, so he had believed that explanation. "I don't remember your full name, I'm sorry. It's in your file, but I don't have that good a memory."
He looked at Ten, wrapping his arms around himself. He was scared. He was so very scared, but he couldn't give in to that. "I'm not pissed. I'm scared. Don't you ever get scared?"
"When I was younger, I guess? Not for a really long time. I don't really feel that way. I learned to just relax and let people do what they want. People are less scary the more you're receptive and compliant, you know? People like it when you're docile and beautiful." Ten let people do what they needed to his body, he stopped fighting and learned to survive that way. Now he loved it, it was safe to be like he was. Leaning down, he snagged Jin's doctor coat and lifted it up.
Silently, he held it out to him. "You won't die. No one wants to kill you. Or really hurt you that bad, not in our little group. And we're the ones with the power."
"I don't think I could be like that. I'll always be scared." He certainly was right now, but that didn't keep him from smiling gratefully and taking the coat, using it to cover himself up. "Thank you." He wasn't going to let that go without acknowledgement.
"I'm not just scared for myself. I'm scared for everyone here. I'm very scared for you and Hobi, for Jiminie and TaeTae and for Namjoon too." Jin knew who the group were, of course he did. "None of you are like this, not really. I don't want you to suffer for something you felt driven to do."
"We don't want to be unhappy any more. Namjoon said he could help us and he is. He always helps. That's what Taehyung told me. Namjoon is the hyung and he's always right. Even Hobi listens to him and he's older." He found it interesting but in many ways, he appreciated it. Hobi was so bad when he didn't have something to make him feel, Namjoon always knew how to control it and keep it safe but also keep him aware and awake.
"I dunno, doc. Don't be scared for us, be scared for yourself. We'll be fine. We can keep this place as long as we can and then... I dunno." He shrugged, not sure if he wanted to think about that. "We get shot, I guess?"
"I don't want you to get shot. I want you to be safe and happy. I've been trying so hard." But clearly it hadn't been enough and he hadn't been quick enough either. He leaned over and pulled Ten into a hug, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll always try to help you. Please believe me, yes? That's the oath I've sworn. I want to help you get better and I won't let anyone hurt you. Not when I can help it."
He let go of him, noting how he was shaking. Damn. So scared. "I really don't want to be here right now, you? I'd like for us to be in my kitchen. I'd make us hot chocolate. And I'd have pants on."
This was weird. The doctor was shaking, he looked like he could cry and he just hugged him. Huh. The hell was that all about? He slid off the gurney and got up, wondering along to find where those asshats threw Jin's pants. "No one has ever made me hot chocolate. I guess... I guess I don't have anywhere else I want to be. There's not as lot I want to do or can do."
Finally finding Jin's pants throw over a door, Ten yanked them down and tried not to damage them. "I used to think I wanted to go live in like, I dunno, a nice house or apartment. With a cool view and a TV, maybe wifi. With Hobi, uh, if he wanted, you know? But then there's the drugs and the effort, the people who'd police our every move. It's a lot of pressure and stress." It was easier to be here. Walking over, Ten silently held out Jin's pants.
He didn't want another hug, he just wanted Jin to stop shaking like that. "In the outside world, you wouldn't let me into your house. So it's all bullshit anyway."
"I thought you already knew I was dumb. Of course I'd let you into my house." Jin smiled a little, but he slowly moved to put on his pants, trying to get his hands to stop shaking. He managed to button them up on the third try, feeling like crying at how difficult that was, knowing that shock was finally setting in. He wanted to be safe and he knew he was far from it.
"I have a nice kitchen. I love cooking, you know? When I was studying, I kept myself sane when I had those big exams coming up by chopping vegetable while reading and then just letting things simmer while revising. I love cooking, but there's never anyone for me to feed. You are luckier than me in one respect, you have someone like Hoseok. I don't have anyone that special."
"I don't have Hoseok. He has pills first and foremost. They're his true love, his soul mate, the one he wants. He'd screw me over in a heart beat for a hit. When he's not high, he fucks me like I'm not even a real thing." Like last week when he was just riding him, trying to get a reaction while Hobi stared at the ceiling. He'd never been anyone's number one, the idea unsettled him a lot.
But he guessed it was expected. "It happens. It always happens. People don't love me, I'm not lovable." Why else did he have the life he had if he was lovable in any way? He looked at Jin, hands shaking, chest racing. Damn. "You're really scared, huh? Breath. It's okay. No one but Joonie will have you and let's face it, he ain't gonna fuck you. He says he will but he won't."
"I guess in a way that is true about Hoseok, he's very dependent on them. But that's not his fault and even at his worst, he still looks around sometimes. Have you ever noticed that? Do you know that you are always what he's looking for?" He wished he could help Hoseok more, he was sure he right medication over a longer period of time could stabilise him, but unfortunately Doctor Lang wouldn't ever let him have a say in how he was medicated.
"I like you a lot, Ten. I'm sure you are lovable. You'd have to be." He smiled a little, but then he nodded. Interesting. "I'm scared. Very scared. How come you think that Namjoon won't do that?"
"More drugs? Maybe lurking doctors. Doctor Lang is always fucking with him. Locks him in solitary a lot. He hates it, it breaks him every time. Last time it happened, that was when Namjoon decided." He shrugged his shoulders, there had to be something to break them and the display of power they had, the way they treated them, Namjoon had stepped in find a solution. Like Tae always said. Namjoon could do anything. "That and the guard who was raping patients, that one pushed him. He tried to fuck Tae and--"
Well, he shouldn't be sharing this. God. What was he doing? He was getting too comfortable, too chatty. Other than Hobi, no one really gave him positive attention like this. He hated how quickly he melted for it. "I dunno, Joonie takes rape pretty seriously. He says it's the worst thing you can do, blah blah blah, feminism and liberal stuff. I dunno. He rambles a lot." He had a lot of opinions. "He's not gonna suddenly change all that."
"Namjoon is very intelligent. I'd love to talk to him more, but he never wants to talk much to me." It was like pulling teeth. Apparently Ten might have more luck than him, but be a lot less interested. Wasn't that just the way it always went? "I know that Namjoon wants to look out for all of you. I just wish that he knew himself a little better, so that he'd know when he's risking self-destruction."
"He doesn't have friends, he only lectures, he's not really our friend either." He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head to look at Jin. "We're his friend, he's not ours. You know?" He cared about Namjoon, so did Hobi and Jimin but Namjoon was no one's best friend, he didn't want to get close. Honestly, it was weird he was even keeping that janitor guy alive. Hobi was right, maybe he did like him.
"He's not self destructing?... Is he?" Ten frowned in confusion. "We're just taking our house back."
"It's not a very nice house, is it? Blood and screams everywhere." Jin hoped that these boys wouldn't be shot, but right now it was difficult to imagine any of them making it through this. He would try. With all that was within his power, which right now admittedly wasn't much. "I wish you could have all been at a nicer house to begin with, maybe than you'd not have felt the need to do this."
A what if that he'd never be able to achieve now. "What are you going to do now? While you have your house."
"They hurt us and we have to take what they give us, sometimes it makes us so sick and -- and no one cares. What else could we do, doc? They power trip us and hurt us. If we die then at least we die of our own free will." And that made him feel safer. He finally got it, what Namjoon was always rambling on about - control was important and he needed it.
They needed it to survive. "While I have freedom, what am I gonna do? Hmm. Fuck Hobi. And then dance somewhat. Namjoon promised us all that we'd have radio. I'm so excited." Ten grinned, bright and excited. "I miss music."
"I see. I'm guessing Hobi is already getting treated by Namjoon." Namjoon who knew enough so much about meds. He wondered whether that could lead anywhere good, but Jim doubted it a lot. "Not everyone is here to hurt you. I hope you know that. I've never wanted to hurt anyone." He could say that without hesitation. He supposed that might be why he was here.
What did it mean for Jungkook and that janitor? "I'm glad you'll have music to dance to."
"I don't think you will but I don't know... people have been nice before but they all want one thing." And yet, Jin had the constant chance to get it but it didn't happen. He was trying to fuck him a moment ago and he just got pissed. He reached down and frowned, unsure what was happening... his dick was soft and his logic wasn't working. Confused, he turned his head and looked at his doctor. "You don't, I guess. I think maybe--"
Maybe Jin wanted to help but how did he even get his head around that? "Would you really make me cocoa, hyung?" Oh yeah. He used hyung. He hadn't meant to.
"People are a bit more complex than that. You are too." And Jin could sense that Ten was confused, which in this case was a good thing. He was making good headway with Ten here, if only this had just been a therapy session. Maybe it would do some good in the long run. Either way, he wasn't going to stop. If nothing else, he could at least try and help his patient.
"I would make you cocoa. I have little marshmallows that look like bears." An important detail to mention, he felt. "They melt right into it. Makes it taste sweet and so nice."
“Oh. That sounds so good. I like marsh mellows. Chocolate. Ice cream.” All the things he hadn’t had for a long time. He remembered having them once. “I had this one guy, he was so nice, he always said that he’d get me chocolate if I was a good boy and behaved.” Which they both knew what that meant. He grinned, proud of himself. “I always did. I lived off M&Ms… until the cops came.” Being hard and ready had always been rewarded with older boys.
But, apparently, not with Jin. “Do you think they’ll kill us?” Seemed worth an ask. He wasn’t overly sure, Namjoon said no but Jin seemed pretty sure. “I—I don’t wanna die.”
"I wouldn't want anything like that. I just want you to be healthier. To live happier and as freely as possible. That's what I'd want for all of you. Even Namjoon, although he'll never believe me." Such a complicated case. Jin couldn't believe the mess he had dragged them all into. He wished he could have stopped him.
He looked at Ten and sighed. "I don't know, Ten, but they might. If I can do anything to help keep you alive, I will. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
He didn't. Not at all. But then, Hobi seemed ready... and Namjoon, apparently. He was smart, he either had a plan or he was ready to die. And he didn't overly love that. Still, they were his hyungs. They'd take care of him. "I think Namjoon-hyung will know what he's doing. He always knows what he's doing. He's the hyung, he takes care of us." Especially Tae, him and Jiminie.
"I'm sure Namjoon will try. And I'm your hyung too, Ten, so I will try as well." Jin pulled him into another hug, protectively cupping his head when he pulled him close. "Stay as safe as you can and I'll do what I can. Maybe together, we can get you all through this."
Somehow. To what end, he didn't know. "I'll do what I can," he repeated, wishing there was an easy solution.
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"Jungkook is still so young. He's just working here to afford his studies." And he always tried so hard.
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His words wavered with a breathlessness as he leaned into Jin and whimpered. It didn't feel good to do this, he wasn't a rapist but -- he needed relief. "I'm sorry. I'll make it good for you, promise. Just hold still. I need to -- I have to, okay?" He tried telling him that in session before, it wasn't that he wanted to, it just happened.
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Jin pushed Ten a little, but he kept from lashing out, much as he felt the urge. "You don't want to. You can control yourself. Move away now. Touch yourself if you have to. Don't ever force anybody. That's not you."
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So there. He didn't like when people acted like they knew him. "Bet you don't even know my name. No one does. They can never remember it." It was long, he guessed he got it. "You pushed me... you were pissed."
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He looked at Ten, wrapping his arms around himself. He was scared. He was so very scared, but he couldn't give in to that. "I'm not pissed. I'm scared. Don't you ever get scared?"
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Silently, he held it out to him. "You won't die. No one wants to kill you. Or really hurt you that bad, not in our little group. And we're the ones with the power."
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"I'm not just scared for myself. I'm scared for everyone here. I'm very scared for you and Hobi, for Jiminie and TaeTae and for Namjoon too." Jin knew who the group were, of course he did. "None of you are like this, not really. I don't want you to suffer for something you felt driven to do."
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"I dunno, doc. Don't be scared for us, be scared for yourself. We'll be fine. We can keep this place as long as we can and then... I dunno." He shrugged, not sure if he wanted to think about that. "We get shot, I guess?"
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He let go of him, noting how he was shaking. Damn. So scared. "I really don't want to be here right now, you? I'd like for us to be in my kitchen. I'd make us hot chocolate. And I'd have pants on."
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Finally finding Jin's pants throw over a door, Ten yanked them down and tried not to damage them. "I used to think I wanted to go live in like, I dunno, a nice house or apartment. With a cool view and a TV, maybe wifi. With Hobi, uh, if he wanted, you know? But then there's the drugs and the effort, the people who'd police our every move. It's a lot of pressure and stress." It was easier to be here. Walking over, Ten silently held out Jin's pants.
He didn't want another hug, he just wanted Jin to stop shaking like that. "In the outside world, you wouldn't let me into your house. So it's all bullshit anyway."
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"I have a nice kitchen. I love cooking, you know? When I was studying, I kept myself sane when I had those big exams coming up by chopping vegetable while reading and then just letting things simmer while revising. I love cooking, but there's never anyone for me to feed. You are luckier than me in one respect, you have someone like Hoseok. I don't have anyone that special."
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But he guessed it was expected. "It happens. It always happens. People don't love me, I'm not lovable." Why else did he have the life he had if he was lovable in any way? He looked at Jin, hands shaking, chest racing. Damn. "You're really scared, huh? Breath. It's okay. No one but Joonie will have you and let's face it, he ain't gonna fuck you. He says he will but he won't."
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"I like you a lot, Ten. I'm sure you are lovable. You'd have to be." He smiled a little, but then he nodded. Interesting. "I'm scared. Very scared. How come you think that Namjoon won't do that?"
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Well, he shouldn't be sharing this. God. What was he doing? He was getting too comfortable, too chatty. Other than Hobi, no one really gave him positive attention like this. He hated how quickly he melted for it. "I dunno, Joonie takes rape pretty seriously. He says it's the worst thing you can do, blah blah blah, feminism and liberal stuff. I dunno. He rambles a lot." He had a lot of opinions. "He's not gonna suddenly change all that."
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Jin feared it might be too late now.
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"He's not self destructing?... Is he?" Ten frowned in confusion. "We're just taking our house back."
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A what if that he'd never be able to achieve now. "What are you going to do now? While you have your house."
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They needed it to survive. "While I have freedom, what am I gonna do? Hmm. Fuck Hobi. And then dance somewhat. Namjoon promised us all that we'd have radio. I'm so excited." Ten grinned, bright and excited. "I miss music."
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What did it mean for Jungkook and that janitor? "I'm glad you'll have music to dance to."
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Maybe Jin wanted to help but how did he even get his head around that? "Would you really make me cocoa, hyung?" Oh yeah. He used hyung. He hadn't meant to.
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"I would make you cocoa. I have little marshmallows that look like bears." An important detail to mention, he felt. "They melt right into it. Makes it taste sweet and so nice."
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But, apparently, not with Jin. “Do you think they’ll kill us?” Seemed worth an ask. He wasn’t overly sure, Namjoon said no but Jin seemed pretty sure. “I—I don’t wanna die.”
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He looked at Ten and sighed. "I don't know, Ten, but they might. If I can do anything to help keep you alive, I will. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
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He didn't. Not at all. But then, Hobi seemed ready... and Namjoon, apparently. He was smart, he either had a plan or he was ready to die. And he didn't overly love that. Still, they were his hyungs. They'd take care of him. "I think Namjoon-hyung will know what he's doing. He always knows what he's doing. He's the hyung, he takes care of us." Especially Tae, him and Jiminie.
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Somehow. To what end, he didn't know. "I'll do what I can," he repeated, wishing there was an easy solution.
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