"I would be wary with him. I don't mind you liking him but you have to be smart about it. He gave you new drugs, right? He gave me some too. I know my pills, I know my chemicals. He's not looking to help, he just wants you docile." That wasn't true, he had a feeling that Tae had new pills because he was overdue and what Jin gave him was a probably mood stabiliser, he was sure of it, he was a good man and a good doctor.
But Namjoon couldn't have him drugged out when the time came. He needed his brother strong and alert. Besides, Namjoon had the knowledge of a pharmacist these days, everyone came to him for med advise, not their doctors. It was a handy tool to manipulate. "You want to be very careful with cetylpyridinium chloride."
He did not, it was not harmful but he knew by now that people feared big sounding technical words.
"I don't mind... They are making me cry less." He liked that, he didn't particularly enjoy being sad and he knew Jungkook didn't like it. It wasn't very manly or fitting for his age. Were the drugs really that bad? Tae hadn't thought so, but he knew he'd listen to Namjoon. He always did. He rubbed the back of his neck, frowning.
"I don't want to have the nightmares, Joonie." Maybe the whatever the hell chloride was helping with that!
"Hey, look at me." He reached out and took Tae's face in his hands, commanding his entire attention and ensuring that he was all Tae saw and heard. He was important, he mattered, he was the hyung. "As soon as our plan works, I know exactly what you need. Have I ever been wrong? No. I'll get you the pills you need and you'll be feeling great in no time. You won't even remember what dad looks like."
Namjoon smiled a soft smile and leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. "Just because you're not having bad dreams doesn't mean it's doing you good. He wants you to be soft and easy. Like a good dog. You wanna be a dog, Tae, or do you want to be a tiger?" Dad always used to call them dogs. Nothing better than dogs.
"I always take care of you... don't you trust me to do it any more?"
"Yeah, I guess." No, he didn't want to be a dog and he trusted Namjoon, but sometimes Namjoon wasn't around and Jin made a lot of sense. He reached out to run his hand along Namjoon's cheek, smiling. "I trust you, hyung, I'm just waiting." And was it really so bad to not have bad dreams until then?
"Jin says if I work through it, dad can't hurt me any more." So maybe he could work through it. If only there was a faster way to do it. "It's part of growing up."
Jungkook had said he should grow up, so he was determined on that front.
Namjoon dropped his hand from Tae and went cold on him, moving back from his brother and making space. It was emotional blackmail but it was an easy game to play. Besides, some things couldn't just be 'worked through' and Jin had no idea what he was talking about. "Cause I ain't worked through it? Shit, I raise your ass for how long and some pretty doctor comes in and suddenly I ain't a grown up, I ain't right. It happens every fucking time."
Getting to his feet, Namjoon looked away from Tae. "You'll grow up when you stop throwing yourself at every pretty boy who says he can help you."
"No, Joonie!" Damn, he should have known that would happen, he had said it all wrong. Tae felt tears spring to his eyes and he quickly got up, throwing himself against Namjoon and hugging him tightly. He couldn't have him be mad at him, it hurt too much. "No, I meant me, not you! You are all grown!"
He was the one stuck being a burden to his brother, he knew he was. He bit his lip to try and stop crying, hiding his face against Namjoon's chest. "I need you, please. Don't say it like that."
There it was. So easy. He didn't hug him yet, he didn't deserve it. "Who told you that you weren't grown up? Where had this bullshit even come from? You're a fucking adult, Tae. You need to stop being manipulated by every guy who says nice words to you. Remember Min-ho? You really want to be that stupid again?"
Sometimes he just needed a harsh reminder of his failings, of how easily he got attached to guards. Raising his hand finally, he cupped the back of Tae's head and pulled him in close. "Do you need me or do you need Doctor Kim?"
"I need you. I'm sorry. Don't be mad." Tae tried to keep from crying, he didn't want to cry too hard and be stuck with a headache all day, but it was hard. What could he do if Namjoon left him? He needed Namjoon, he needed him so much. "I won't be stupid."
But he made sure not to mention Jungkook. He didn't want Namjoon to take Jungkook from him. "I only need you. Doctor Kim is wrong." Obviously, had to be. He knew Namjoon was always right.
"Hey, hey, hey. Come on. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just worry." He wasn't lying, he didn't like to hurt Tae and he just wanted him safe. Guys like Jin weren't safe, they just wanted to come with meds and drug them up, pretend like it was a fix when it wasn't. Tae wouldn't be better until Namjoon could fix it. Fix everything. Fix the world around them.
And he would. He'd do anything for Tae. Making him look up at him, he leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Sorry, come on, don't cry. It's okay. You wanna go watch Hobi put his pants on his head because I heard him undressing on the way in so I know it's coming."
Grinning, he pressed their foreheads together. "All your hyungs just want to make you smile."
"Okay." Tae rubbed his eyes and really hoped Jimin was around, because Jimin was always nice and he wanted to talk to him about pretty boys, because Namjoon was always too worried to be receptive to that kind of talk. But he was mostly just happy that Namjoon wasn't mad anymore and so he smiled, taking his brother's hand. "When our plan works, you'll get me a spray can, right? I want to tag everywhere."
"Oh yeah, we'll tag everything like we used to. Think of this place like our own little city, we'll make it our own in every little way." With a bright smile, he held his brothers hand and pulled him along. "I got plans, you know? We tag every wall, repaint the rec room and we'll get the radio station back. We can rap." Well. He could. Tae could dab behind him.
"Yes! I'll rap, I'm getting better! Not that he exactly had much opportunity to really practise here, but that didn't stop him. He bounced a little, leaning against Namjoon when he watched Hobi be a dork, laughing at and with him. He liked when Hobi was happy like this, he wished he could always feel that way. He'd have walked over to him and Jimin, but he didn't want to let go of Namjoon's hand, not after how cold Namjoon had been before.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
But Namjoon couldn't have him drugged out when the time came. He needed his brother strong and alert. Besides, Namjoon had the knowledge of a pharmacist these days, everyone came to him for med advise, not their doctors. It was a handy tool to manipulate. "You want to be very careful with cetylpyridinium chloride."
He did not, it was not harmful but he knew by now that people feared big sounding technical words.
no subject
"I don't want to have the nightmares, Joonie." Maybe the whatever the hell chloride was helping with that!
no subject
Namjoon smiled a soft smile and leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. "Just because you're not having bad dreams doesn't mean it's doing you good. He wants you to be soft and easy. Like a good dog. You wanna be a dog, Tae, or do you want to be a tiger?" Dad always used to call them dogs. Nothing better than dogs.
"I always take care of you... don't you trust me to do it any more?"
no subject
"Jin says if I work through it, dad can't hurt me any more." So maybe he could work through it. If only there was a faster way to do it. "It's part of growing up."
Jungkook had said he should grow up, so he was determined on that front.
no subject
Namjoon dropped his hand from Tae and went cold on him, moving back from his brother and making space. It was emotional blackmail but it was an easy game to play. Besides, some things couldn't just be 'worked through' and Jin had no idea what he was talking about. "Cause I ain't worked through it? Shit, I raise your ass for how long and some pretty doctor comes in and suddenly I ain't a grown up, I ain't right. It happens every fucking time."
Getting to his feet, Namjoon looked away from Tae. "You'll grow up when you stop throwing yourself at every pretty boy who says he can help you."
no subject
He was the one stuck being a burden to his brother, he knew he was. He bit his lip to try and stop crying, hiding his face against Namjoon's chest. "I need you, please. Don't say it like that."
no subject
Sometimes he just needed a harsh reminder of his failings, of how easily he got attached to guards. Raising his hand finally, he cupped the back of Tae's head and pulled him in close. "Do you need me or do you need Doctor Kim?"
no subject
But he made sure not to mention Jungkook. He didn't want Namjoon to take Jungkook from him. "I only need you. Doctor Kim is wrong." Obviously, had to be. He knew Namjoon was always right.
"Thank you for the candy, hyung."
no subject
And he would. He'd do anything for Tae. Making him look up at him, he leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Sorry, come on, don't cry. It's okay. You wanna go watch Hobi put his pants on his head because I heard him undressing on the way in so I know it's coming."
Grinning, he pressed their foreheads together. "All your hyungs just want to make you smile."
no subject
no subject
no subject