Minjun had stopped to look at the picture in reality, after he had seen it in dreams and on a poster. And Gyungho had been right. Only in his dreams had it looked right. Or wrong in the right way. However to describe that. This one? In this, he didn't recognise himself. But the edge was gone as well. That unsettling feeling, that fear he knew now Gyungho felt. How come it was missing?
He had been so lost in looking at it, he hadn't even noticed Gyungho next to him until he spoke. Then he turned his head and stared at him. Oh.
It hurt to look at him. The emotion was so intense, he had to blink. Tears, he felt like crying. What was this?
"What's wrong? God, where to start? I had this image in my head and I couldn't get it on canvas properly. I saw it in a dream, hence the title and just... look at that, he's not soft enough. He had a soft jaw, sweet lips, I didn't get that part right. Then there's just the feel of the piece, you know? It should be rebellious and passionate. I was going for-- you know that feeling you get in your gut when you're willing to die for something? Like when you love someone so much that it aches and you'd rip your heart out and gift it to them if they asked. That's what I wanted to put into this."
But once he woke up from his dream, it didn't come out as he wanted it too because he couldn't remember every edge and every feeling. He turned and then paused, taking in the young man by him and his eyes widened slightly.
There he was, punk and chaotic, looking exactly what he'd failed to put on the canvas. The spirit of rebellion and anarchy.
"You... You look more like him than the painting does, friend."
"Minjun." Minjun bowed his head a little, partly just to try and get rid of what definitely felt like a dorky smile on his lips. Not the right reaction at all, not when he wanted to be cool and mysterious, sweep him off his feet. But part of him wanted to just memorise every word he'd said and maybe roll around on his bed and scream like a schoolboy being acknowledged by his crush. Whatever. He could shake that off.
He straightened up again, looking at Gyungho. "Should I pose for you?" He was grinning in a more intentional way now.
"Gyungho. And no, I don't paint by models. Though I can pass your card onto others, if you'd like?" He assumed he was a model. He was hot and here so he was probably a model. Also he was in skinny jeans and that always screamed model. "Sorry to bore you about my picture, I'm sure you didn't need a long ramble like that but -- I guess I'm my own worst critic."
With a shrug, he turned to Minjun again with a playful smile. "You like it more than me or hate it the same?"
"I don't think I like anything more than I like you." Minjun said it as if it was a natural thing to say. Smooth, perhaps, but perhaps just weird. Whatever, he was going with his instincts here. "I'm an accountant. I don't know if my card will help you much, unless you need your taxes sorted."
Which, hey, maybe he did. Minjun looked at the picture, shrugging. "As you say. I feel something is lacking. It feels as if he should have a heart, but in this? He doesn't. Maybe that was what was different in your head. With how you talked about it. When I look at this, I don't hurt."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you were a model! My bad. Hey, you can do my taxes any time... they're a mess lately." Gyungho crossed his arms and looked at the piece for a little longer before sticking his tongue out and turning away. Urgh. "Yeah, heart is what this needs. You know, sometimes it's hard to find heart."
Why did this talk feel so weirdly familiar? It was odd. He felt like it should mean something but he wasn't so sure.
"You're definitely not a model? -- I feel like I know you or I've seen you before. It's weird. Isn't it weird when that happens?" He never had it before but he knew people who had, they always complained about it.
"Like you know a person? Guess so." Minjun felt safer just looking at the picture, because if he looked at Gyungho... He knew he wouldn't be able to hide it for long. Just how deeply he felt for him. And the last thing he wanted to do was scare him off, weird him out. Slowly, he had to do this slowly. "But no, I'm not a model. I don't even like showing my face much. Usually I wear a face mask."
To demonstrate, Minjun pulled his black face mask up. And then he did turn his eyes on Gyungho, wanting to see whether there would be another spark of recognition.
Minjun had a reason to be shy about showing his face. The fewer records of his face, the better. He had plans, after all.
"Huh. I see." He frowned at Minjun for a moment before clearing his throat, not sure how he felt but he felt weird. Off. And right at the same time. Like everything was fitting but like nothing was. It was very strange and he felt a bit thrown. "I, uh, I have to keep walking around the floor. They paid me to make chit-chat and I could use the cash, I blew it all on paint and canvas. Same old, same old."
He shrugged and then backed up a little. "I'm gonna -- hey, how long do you think you'll stay? Cause I mean, it's open until four so..."
Was he inviting him to stay or trying to avoid him? He honestly didn't know.
"I'll stay as long as you want me." Minjun left it at that, not looking away this time. Not yet. He had to face this. But he pulled the mask back down and smiled, because he didn't want to scare Gyungho and he knew that he was. Among so many other emotions, if this was anything for Gyungho as it was for him. He slowly turned away, looking at the art piece in front of him. The words Gyungho had chosen before. To be loved like that and have it be mutual? Of course he could change the world with that by his side.
Gyungho headed off and talked to different people, make small talk, discussed vastly better artists but even then, he couldn't stop thinking about Minjun. He kept checking, subtly, to see if he'd stayed. His heart raced, he felt afraid of him but so drawn to him, like he wanted to be with him but he didn't know how.
It was close to closing when he was saying goodbyes to people, making his way slowly back over to Minjun. Standing beside him, he smiled.
"I don't know." Minjun frowned, not sure how honest his answer should be. Finally he settled on a partial truth. "Your art gets to me. I look at it and I feel things and I never feel like it's enough. Like you said. As if I should do something to complete it. Cut myself and bleed out, just so you have something to complete it with."
All right, maybe he had gone too far already. He let out a laugh, shaking his head. Always too intense. Sangwoo would mock him over that. He turned so he could look at Gyungho. "You look just as I thought you would, you know?"
"Well, if you bled all over my canvas, it'd probably have more passion. They always say a true artist gives everything, even blood." Gyungho shrugged a little and then pulled a face. "Blood is icky though so don't do that. Keep it in yourself, it's where it belongs." Minjun was intense, sure, but so was he. So were most artists. He was used to eccentric people, they were part of his world.
"I do?" Gyungho smiled, adjusting his tie a little because he wasn't sure if he overdressed for this or not? "Is that good or bad?"
"I don't know. It's good, because you look good. You know that." Had to, couldn't not know. He was handsome, in the way that startled people. Like he should be photographed at any moment, because his face was perfect from every angle. Masculine, yet beautiful. "But then, if you were ugly, maybe it'd be easier to look away from you. This feels like you aren't playing fair, you know? What am I supposed to do with that?"
"I dunno, I can show you pictures of my teenage year. I was pretty fat. Pretty fat, kind ugly, had some dry skin." Gyungho offered out because, well, that might help. "I think you should have met me earlier if my handsome face is that much of an issue cause it's relatively new." With a smile, he crossed his arms and looked at Minjun. "You're pretty bold, you know? Just hitting on me like this. It's wild."
"I bet you were hot before too. I'd always think so, anyway." Minjun lifted his shoulders a bit, not too concerned about that. He had vague memories of Gyungho looking differently and, yeah. The draw had still been there. And now that same softness was still in his eyes too, belying the sharpness of his features. "I've been told I'm wild. All my accountant friends are scared of me."
He didn't really have accountant friends. Perhaps for obvious reasons. "But don't tell me you don't get hit on a lot. That old guy with the silk suit, he wanted to take you home giftwrapped tonight."
"Yeah, I get a lot of interest. Guys and girls. It's happened since I lost all that weight." He was sure that definitely changed his chances, he wasn't sure how Minjun could know either way if he'd still find him hot but it was kind of nice to hear someone thinking he was hot. "A lot of the old art gays are always inviting me to cabins away in the woods or beach houses. I dunno if they plan to fuck me, rob me or kill me."
And he never wanted to know. "So please don't invite me to any weird, isolated houses."
"I wasn't planning on it. Anyway, you are the older, richer guy. You should be the one perving on me." If they wanted an accurate representation here. "What's the matter, hyung? Am I not weird, isolated house material?"
Minjun smiled, keeping the tone light. Ignoring that little voice inside him that mocked him for how scared he was of taking this to a real place. How scared he was of that potential for rejection. He could just play. For a little bit longer.
"Nah, you're more a nice date material. In the public so neither of us are creepy." Minjun teased, unsure if he was asking him out or not. He supposed he just didn't really know. He was so all over the place and he had too many thoughts. "It's more like... coffee and talking. That's my first date material. I think going straight to the isolated house is a bit much."
If he didn't mind saying so himself. "I guess I just don't have the romantic serial killer vibe. Tragic, I know."
"That's all right. So many ways to be romantic." Like coffee and talking. He hadn't done that with a guy in... Probably ever, if he was to be honest. He had done back-alley. But he had a feeling that Gyungho wasn't really that either. And he didn't want that to be what Gyungho was to him. "Then where should we go to talk? You seem like the expert."
And, yes, he had decided that their date started now.
"I know a coffee shop nearby, it's kinda hipstery but we are in an art district so what do you expect? It is what it is." Besides, he liked some of the options here. He was a fancy boy at heart. "I love getting a stupidly needlessly fancy latte some days. I don't even like them half the time, just makes me feel like a real artist. I had a beet latte recently."
Gyungho pulled a face. Yeah, it was not good. "I'll pay so order whatever terrible nightmare you want. Or something good, if you're more sensible."
"I'm all about terrible nightmares. Though lately, my dreams have been good." Or not really good or bad, but defining. Intense. The kind of dream that brought him here. "If you are treating, hyung--" He had to tease. "--then I hope they got the really fancy stuff on the menu."
He winked and moved closer to Gyungho, ready to follow him. Ready to follow him anywhere. "Where do you draw? I'm curious."
"My apartment. I live in a rooftop apartment so usually, it's just wherever has the best light." He was very much a messy, chaotic artist and his home reflected it. "My eomma visits sometimes and just starts tidying. So I'm guessing she doesn't approve." Eommas, what could you do? He smiled and led Minjun along, heading out of the gallery and saying goodbye to the doorboy.
"Sometimes I just draw wherever I am. I always have paper on me." He pulled some out of his coat pocket with a smile. "I see stuff and I got to capture it."
"Yeah? Where do you get your inspiration? Just anywhere?" Minjun looked at Gyungho and then, because he was being bold, because he really was, in the end, he moved in close against him, sliding an arm around his waist. He liked how it felt to be close to him like that. It felt like he belonged, in such a sudden and complete way, it almost felt like a shock. Minjun wasn't used to feeling like he belonged anywhere. "I like music. I like art too, but I'm not as good as you. I just colour my walls when the mood strikes. My place is colourful."
"Dreams and my own head? I don't know. I've always done it, since I was a boy. There's a whole world in my head, different lives and realities. They all just pour out of me." He didn't know if that made any sense or not but that's how it felt. He felt Minjun sliding up against him and he didn't know what to say or how to feel, he just let it happen. It wasn't bad, it was a bit fast but it didn't feel like it was and that scared him a bit. God, his heart was racing. It was crazy.
Why was he so all over the place with Minjun. "Why did you, uh, you know... become an accountant?"
"At school they got the idea that I was a genius, so I had to do something to get everyone off my back. Accounting works. Besides, I like numbers. Calm me sometimes." Sometimes, anyway. Because calm wasn't really something that Minjun felt a lot, especially not right now. No, it was like a storm raging inside of him. He wanted to be closer to Gyungho, impossibly. He wanted to whisper how he loved him against his lips.
But no. He had to be patient. "I'm not an accountant on the inside though. Really, I've black paint streaming all over me. Stains everything."
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He had been so lost in looking at it, he hadn't even noticed Gyungho next to him until he spoke. Then he turned his head and stared at him. Oh.
It hurt to look at him. The emotion was so intense, he had to blink. Tears, he felt like crying. What was this?
"What's wrong about it?"
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But once he woke up from his dream, it didn't come out as he wanted it too because he couldn't remember every edge and every feeling. He turned and then paused, taking in the young man by him and his eyes widened slightly.
There he was, punk and chaotic, looking exactly what he'd failed to put on the canvas. The spirit of rebellion and anarchy.
"You... You look more like him than the painting does, friend."
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He straightened up again, looking at Gyungho. "Should I pose for you?" He was grinning in a more intentional way now.
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With a shrug, he turned to Minjun again with a playful smile. "You like it more than me or hate it the same?"
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Which, hey, maybe he did. Minjun looked at the picture, shrugging. "As you say. I feel something is lacking. It feels as if he should have a heart, but in this? He doesn't. Maybe that was what was different in your head. With how you talked about it. When I look at this, I don't hurt."
When he looked at Gyungho though? Oh yes.
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Why did this talk feel so weirdly familiar? It was odd. He felt like it should mean something but he wasn't so sure.
"You're definitely not a model? -- I feel like I know you or I've seen you before. It's weird. Isn't it weird when that happens?" He never had it before but he knew people who had, they always complained about it.
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To demonstrate, Minjun pulled his black face mask up. And then he did turn his eyes on Gyungho, wanting to see whether there would be another spark of recognition.
Minjun had a reason to be shy about showing his face. The fewer records of his face, the better. He had plans, after all.
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He shrugged and then backed up a little. "I'm gonna -- hey, how long do you think you'll stay? Cause I mean, it's open until four so..."
Was he inviting him to stay or trying to avoid him? He honestly didn't know.
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It was close to closing when he was saying goodbyes to people, making his way slowly back over to Minjun. Standing beside him, he smiled.
"Did you have a good time?"
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All right, maybe he had gone too far already. He let out a laugh, shaking his head. Always too intense. Sangwoo would mock him over that. He turned so he could look at Gyungho. "You look just as I thought you would, you know?"
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"I do?" Gyungho smiled, adjusting his tie a little because he wasn't sure if he overdressed for this or not? "Is that good or bad?"
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He didn't really have accountant friends. Perhaps for obvious reasons. "But don't tell me you don't get hit on a lot. That old guy with the silk suit, he wanted to take you home giftwrapped tonight."
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And he never wanted to know. "So please don't invite me to any weird, isolated houses."
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Minjun smiled, keeping the tone light. Ignoring that little voice inside him that mocked him for how scared he was of taking this to a real place. How scared he was of that potential for rejection. He could just play. For a little bit longer.
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If he didn't mind saying so himself. "I guess I just don't have the romantic serial killer vibe. Tragic, I know."
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And, yes, he had decided that their date started now.
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Gyungho pulled a face. Yeah, it was not good. "I'll pay so order whatever terrible nightmare you want. Or something good, if you're more sensible."
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He winked and moved closer to Gyungho, ready to follow him. Ready to follow him anywhere. "Where do you draw? I'm curious."
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"Sometimes I just draw wherever I am. I always have paper on me." He pulled some out of his coat pocket with a smile. "I see stuff and I got to capture it."
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Why was he so all over the place with Minjun. "Why did you, uh, you know... become an accountant?"
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But no. He had to be patient. "I'm not an accountant on the inside though. Really, I've black paint streaming all over me. Stains everything."
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