"Eh. Lots of work. Sides, I don't wanna... I mean, I am a loser, but he doesn't need to know." Ten clearly didn't want to know that Minjun was pining for him, so whatever. He could stop calling him. Kind of had to, given his number had been blocked. Which sucked, because he just wanted to give Ten's clothes and the stupid gifts he got him back to him. Now he just had a ton of boxes he didn't know what to do with, because he couldn't throw them away either.
Fuck. "I can too get girls," Minjun ventured, focusing on that part of things. The ridiculousness.
"Or I become a girl. Seduce old guys. I can be a girl!" He yelled it out, then blew a kiss at some awkward pimply teenage boy looking his way. Heh. "Fuck you! I mean that as a compliment!"
"He's a fucking beautiful girl, you sissy!" Gyungho yelled out in annoyance, backing up his friend.
"Get a job, you losers!"
"Hey!" Gyungho groaned and made no effort to get up, pissed off but too dead. He sighed and reached out, stroking his best friend's hair. "You don't need him. Fuck him. You'll find other guys, you don't need to change. He's a stuck up, prissy little princess. You're... you're real, you ain't-- ain't what you're not." And he didn't want his friend to think he had to change.
Leaning forward, he faced Minun ... and nearly fell on him, sure, but he stayed stable. He pressed their foreheads together and stared right into his eyes. "Don't change. I need you. This you. Not any other you. Be yourself. If not for yourself then for me. Hyung needs his Jun-ah."
"Okay, hyung," Minjun assured him, mostly sounding concerned because he felt like they were swaying a lot. He wondered if they were gonna fall, then realised that they were on the ground already. Oh. Ha. "I won't change... Also he... Like, I can't change for him. He's gone. He just wants to sell out or whatever. Fuck it."
He had known, but he hadn't known how fucking awful it would feel. Minjun shook his head aggressively and then started patting down Gyungho on the search for drugs. "I'm gonna burn it all. Like... this place. Cause I'm cold. And K-Pop SUCKS!"
"He's the fucking loser. Can't date, can't write his own music, just a fucking puppet. It's pathetic. Who wants to be that much of a loser? Him. Cause he's a brat. He's never had to think." Of course that bastard just wanted to prance around on stage. It was easier than using his brain and living in reality. He just wished he hadn't hurt Minjun like that.
"Kpop is for brainwashed morons."
Pulling out his drugs, he passed them onto Minjun and leaned against the wall again, closing his eyes and sighing. "Tell me what I can do to make it better. I want to ... I want to help you." To be a good hyung. To focus on something else. Anything else. Things were bad, really bad, but being high and in the middle of the crisis? Really helped him forget.
"I don't know. I don't give a fuck, you know? He doesn't matter, he's ugly anyway." Minjun shrugged and took a pill, then shuffled until he could lean against Gyungho, who really was like a furnace right now. Made cuddling him even more appealing. Waking up without Ten still felt like a cold shock every morning.
"I'm gonna give his stuff to my Joonie-bug. All of it. Stupid gifts. Joonie has to stop growing." Damn it.
"Scrawny little freak. Such a spoilt baby too. Couldn't do anything for himself, couldn't think for himself. You can do better than that ugly bitch." As far as he was concerned, Ten was the worst thing to happen to Minjun. And them. Things got so weird between them with Ten around and he wasn't sure why but everything was just way worse.
"Little Joonie bug is growing like crazy." He remembered when they were both taller than him and then one summer, bam, massive boy. "You're a good hyung, ain't you? Joonie loves you."
"He's sweet. He'd love anyone." Low standards, Minjun supposed. "He's gonna know I'm a loser one day." It wasn't as if he was really trying to hide it, but Namjoon didn't process like that. Weirdly philosophical for a kid his age. But then, he always kind of had been.
Minjun watched his hand move, making his fingers dance a little. He wondered how Ten was. Dancing all day, he would love that. Giving his all. He really wished he had filmed it, some of the times when Ten had danced just for him. Now one day all of Ten's dancing would be for everyone. Ten would belong to everyone more than to him.
"Nobody wants our music, you know. They only like kpop and I can't get inspired on that shit. I miss rapping but the club scene keeps changing." He remembered when things were different but these days, it was all about who had the best brands than who had the better lyrics. He wished he'd stayed in it more, he was very popular once but he lost interest when shit at home went south. Maybe he should have just channelled it into lyrics but he couldn't.
"You know who is doing really good in our old scene? Little Min Meow Meow."
After he finally got Yoongi up on stage and got him past all the elitist bullshit keeping him off the stage, Yoongi blew them all away. And continued to. He was selling lyrics no problem now. Well... maybe not kpop level but good enough?
"Great for him. He can go be good enough for his royal Ten-ness. Always talked about him, Big Dick." Minjun wasn't actually jealous of Yoongi, at least not any more jealous than he was of literally anyone who had more of a chance at Ten than he did now, but it was fun to rant about that anyway.
"If he can do well, we can do shit too. I don't care if we are doing any good. We can do really badly. Get booed." He liked the idea of losing bigger.
"I'll put on my famous dance routine. Get back up dancers. It'll be dope."
He looked at Minjun before sighing and leaning in close, gently kissing his best friend on the cheek and cuddling him in close. "You just gotta trust me. It's okay. You don't need that snob, you got me. We're together." And that was enough, right? Maybe not. He knew he wasn't what Minjun really wanted but then, he had no shot of being that either. "We'll get you out tonight, get you a new boy. We'll fucking party so hard, we'll lose a few days and then we'll become artists."
"Oh yeah... You can be an artist." Minjun studied him from the side, then reached out and traced a finger along the side of his face, following his profile. Artistic, yeah. "Be my canvas too. I'll paint you. All red."
Whatever he was saying, he was just going with the flow. "You got all hot when we weren't paying attention, huh? Did you notice yet?" Calling out, he asked the group of girls nearby. "He's hot, right?!"
Of course they pretended not to hear. "Stupid bitches. HOTTEST GUY IN KOREA!"
"I got hot? Sweeeet. That's why I keep getting laid. Persistence and hotness." Grinning like a dork, he wrapped his arms around Minjun again and looked up at the people passing by, just more watching their legs than anything. "People suck. Stop trying to get them to not suck cause they always suck. Everyone sucks but us. And Joonie-bug. And ... Tae."
There. The only other people who mattered were smaller than them. Not crushed by society yet.
"I didn't so much as get hot than start shaving properly." It did wonders. "Girls love it."
"Tae. TaeTaeTae. He's so cute." Minjun nodded his head, frowning a little. Things were so off and his heart was racing. Nerves or whatever, but what was there to be nervous about? In the end he just shook his head and admired Gyungho's face further, stroking it.
"Smooth." Definitely well shaved. He leaned in to lick his cheek, because why not? "You're salty."
"He is." Currently mourning the loss of their eomma and living in fear of his appa but what the fuck was Gyungho supposed to do? He couldn't even go back to that place right now, it tore his heart apart. He knew he should have told Minjun by now that his eomma was gone but he didn't even know how to say it aloud. They couldn't talk before and now they could, it seemed wrong to ruin what peace they had.
"I'm very sweaty." Gyungho laughed and inhaled sharply, nuzzling Minjun before licking him. "You're cold. Not as sweaty. Kinda blah." Always season. "Ramsay would not be thrilled."
"Ramsay would kick me to the curb." Minjun sighed heavily. "Just like life." Damn. Who cared about life when he couldn't care to want a future? Future without Ten. Why bother? He wanted the best for Ten, but he wished he'd never debut, so he wouldn't have to see him everywhere. Selfish, but whatever. Whatever, who cared?
"I only wanna stay around for you. With you. Nothing else. You are the only fucking thing that matters." Only person in the world that he mattered to. Everyone else would be better off without him.
"I dunno, you could do better. I suck a lot." And besides, he knew one day Minjun would recover and want another Ten. It was inevitable. He pulled out his cracked, busted up iphone and loaded up his pictures - he had like fifteen percent battery but whatever. He was used to it. He put on some music they had made together and balanced the phone on his knee, lazily singing along as he put his head on Minjun's shoulder.
"You're the only person who matters to me too, you know? You're my soulmate." Whether that was platonic or not, he really didn't know. "Sorry Ten sucks."
"He doesn't. I do. Guy like that would never want a punk like me." And he knew that, so why did he fall? Why was he still falling? Minjun reached up to run his fingers through Gyungho's hair. "You're my one and only."
And not just for lack of competition. He glanced down at his own phone, the lock screen still a picture of Ten and him. Fuck. He had to get rid of that. So he unlocked it, went into camera mode and held his phone up. "Be sexy, hyung."
Gyungho was a good actor, even when drunk. He took over Minjun's camera for him and yanked Minjun in, arm around him, looking as sexy as he could as he eyed up the lens. "Now look like a dork so I look even hotter." And then he took several pictures of them, changing his expression a few times before he finally handed it back.
"You're welcome, you can look at my beautiful face every day now." He was very proud of their look now, he felt like he'd nailed it. He flopped back onto the floor and spread his arms out. "Now take some extra shots for when you're lonely and miss me."
"Oh yeah, baby. Give it to me." Minjun kept taking pictures, playfully tugging on Gyungho's clothes to adjust him as needed, getting into the ridiculousness of it all. "I want you. Perfect. You get me so hot, baby."
He looked over the pictures he'd taken, shaking with barely suppressed laughter. "There's my jerk off material for the next few months."
Winking at Minjun, he smirked as he sat up, rubbing at his dirty hair and sighing a little. "Can I sleep at yours tonight cause I've been sleeping outside for like two days now and I'm tired of waking up smelly with people judging me. I want to wake up smelly in the safety of a home." It was also warmer and nicer. "I won't crash for too long. Just gotta get my head together, you know? Like always."
"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Any time, you know that." He had his own place still, after all. Even if his family was here now, with little Joonie-bug who really wasn't little any more, he still had just enough money to keep his own place going. Enough to have somewhere to wake up with Ten.
Or Gyungho now, as the case might be. "You don't gotta check in on TaeTae?"
"Uh... I mean... he's fine." Gyungho shrugged, not sure what else to say. "I haven't really been there for a long time so it's not like he's missing me." Gyungho had been absent a lot in his life and he was still unsure if he should even be in it more than he was. He didn't trust his step dad with a kid but he didn't trust himself either.
And he wasn't the one who had a kid. "I don't go home a lot now. No reason to."
"I guess. Cute kid though. And he says you're the best hyung. Joonie-bug's never said that about me." Probably a bit too realistic, his Joonie-bug. Minjun tried, sometimes. He'd give himself that much. And he also sensed that there was something more going on here now, so he just wrapped his arms around Gyungho and kissed his cheek and then his lips and then just leaned their foreheads together.
"He's a kid, he doesn't know shit. I'm a terrible hyung. I'm a terrible person. Just a shitty loser. I get that, you know? I'm cool with it. I wish other people got it." Then there would be less pressure.
He knew he couldn't hide it forever so, in the entirely most casual and not at all normal way, he looked at Minjun and pulled back a little. "Oh, by the way, eomma died. Mine, not yours. Just ... forgot to mention it." He didn't choke up when he said it or even shed any tears, he just stated it like the sad fact it was.
Minjun looked at Gyungho with wide eyes, then he blinked too rapidly as he tried to process it. And then he just collapsed against him, buried his face against his chest, wrapped his arms around him and started sobbing. Well, he had shed more than enough tears over Ten, this was a better reason to cry. Gyungho always loved his mother so much and he was sure little TaeTae did too and this was sad. So fucking sad. He didn't even have words for it, but he could cry when Gyungho couldn't.
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Fuck. "I can too get girls," Minjun ventured, focusing on that part of things. The ridiculousness.
"Or I become a girl. Seduce old guys. I can be a girl!" He yelled it out, then blew a kiss at some awkward pimply teenage boy looking his way. Heh. "Fuck you! I mean that as a compliment!"
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"Get a job, you losers!"
"Hey!" Gyungho groaned and made no effort to get up, pissed off but too dead. He sighed and reached out, stroking his best friend's hair. "You don't need him. Fuck him. You'll find other guys, you don't need to change. He's a stuck up, prissy little princess. You're... you're real, you ain't-- ain't what you're not." And he didn't want his friend to think he had to change.
Leaning forward, he faced Minun ... and nearly fell on him, sure, but he stayed stable. He pressed their foreheads together and stared right into his eyes. "Don't change. I need you. This you. Not any other you. Be yourself. If not for yourself then for me. Hyung needs his Jun-ah."
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He had known, but he hadn't known how fucking awful it would feel. Minjun shook his head aggressively and then started patting down Gyungho on the search for drugs. "I'm gonna burn it all. Like... this place. Cause I'm cold. And K-Pop SUCKS!"
Very related.
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"Kpop is for brainwashed morons."
Pulling out his drugs, he passed them onto Minjun and leaned against the wall again, closing his eyes and sighing. "Tell me what I can do to make it better. I want to ... I want to help you." To be a good hyung. To focus on something else. Anything else. Things were bad, really bad, but being high and in the middle of the crisis? Really helped him forget.
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"I'm gonna give his stuff to my Joonie-bug. All of it. Stupid gifts. Joonie has to stop growing." Damn it.
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"Little Joonie bug is growing like crazy." He remembered when they were both taller than him and then one summer, bam, massive boy. "You're a good hyung, ain't you? Joonie loves you."
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Minjun watched his hand move, making his fingers dance a little. He wondered how Ten was. Dancing all day, he would love that. Giving his all. He really wished he had filmed it, some of the times when Ten had danced just for him. Now one day all of Ten's dancing would be for everyone. Ten would belong to everyone more than to him.
"We should do music again, man."
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"You know who is doing really good in our old scene? Little Min Meow Meow."
After he finally got Yoongi up on stage and got him past all the elitist bullshit keeping him off the stage, Yoongi blew them all away. And continued to. He was selling lyrics no problem now. Well... maybe not kpop level but good enough?
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"If he can do well, we can do shit too. I don't care if we are doing any good. We can do really badly. Get booed." He liked the idea of losing bigger.
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He looked at Minjun before sighing and leaning in close, gently kissing his best friend on the cheek and cuddling him in close. "You just gotta trust me. It's okay. You don't need that snob, you got me. We're together." And that was enough, right? Maybe not. He knew he wasn't what Minjun really wanted but then, he had no shot of being that either. "We'll get you out tonight, get you a new boy. We'll fucking party so hard, we'll lose a few days and then we'll become artists."
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Whatever he was saying, he was just going with the flow. "You got all hot when we weren't paying attention, huh? Did you notice yet?" Calling out, he asked the group of girls nearby. "He's hot, right?!"
Of course they pretended not to hear. "Stupid bitches. HOTTEST GUY IN KOREA!"
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There. The only other people who mattered were smaller than them. Not crushed by society yet.
"I didn't so much as get hot than start shaving properly." It did wonders. "Girls love it."
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"Smooth." Definitely well shaved. He leaned in to lick his cheek, because why not? "You're salty."
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"I'm very sweaty." Gyungho laughed and inhaled sharply, nuzzling Minjun before licking him. "You're cold. Not as sweaty. Kinda blah." Always season. "Ramsay would not be thrilled."
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"I only wanna stay around for you. With you. Nothing else. You are the only fucking thing that matters." Only person in the world that he mattered to. Everyone else would be better off without him.
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"You're the only person who matters to me too, you know? You're my soulmate." Whether that was platonic or not, he really didn't know. "Sorry Ten sucks."
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And not just for lack of competition. He glanced down at his own phone, the lock screen still a picture of Ten and him. Fuck. He had to get rid of that. So he unlocked it, went into camera mode and held his phone up. "Be sexy, hyung."
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"You're welcome, you can look at my beautiful face every day now." He was very proud of their look now, he felt like he'd nailed it. He flopped back onto the floor and spread his arms out. "Now take some extra shots for when you're lonely and miss me."
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He looked over the pictures he'd taken, shaking with barely suppressed laughter. "There's my jerk off material for the next few months."
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Winking at Minjun, he smirked as he sat up, rubbing at his dirty hair and sighing a little. "Can I sleep at yours tonight cause I've been sleeping outside for like two days now and I'm tired of waking up smelly with people judging me. I want to wake up smelly in the safety of a home." It was also warmer and nicer. "I won't crash for too long. Just gotta get my head together, you know? Like always."
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Or Gyungho now, as the case might be. "You don't gotta check in on TaeTae?"
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And he wasn't the one who had a kid. "I don't go home a lot now. No reason to."
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"Sorry. Sucks."
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He knew he couldn't hide it forever so, in the entirely most casual and not at all normal way, he looked at Minjun and pulled back a little. "Oh, by the way, eomma died. Mine, not yours. Just ... forgot to mention it." He didn't choke up when he said it or even shed any tears, he just stated it like the sad fact it was.
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