It was probably coincidence that as soon as it was Jiho petting him and Jiho talking to him, Tae moved semi-consciously for the first time, his hand reaching to touch his brother, holding on to his shirt, and his head turning a little, even though his eyes didn't open. Minjun's heart hurt a little, but he walked out of the room anyway, waiting for Kangwoo to follow.
"I want to clear something up right away. I know people are talking shit, but I have no desire to take over from you. Come on, I just graduated!" He realised that probably meant nothing to Kangwoo. "I wanna have fun. Not responsibilities. You know?" Probably not.
"No." He did not. He looked at Minjun in confusion and then shoved his hands in his pockets. "You're a threat. Your very existence is a threat. Like Jiho. Like Tae. If you want me to not see you as a threat, go jump off a bridge." Kangwoo had been told repeatedly - never trust a potential rival. And he didn't.
He tried not to dwell on the fact that Tae reacted for Jiho but not himself, he supposed he expected it. Not like he cared or anything. Once they were in a spare room, he shut the door and leaned against it. No way out. "People want you to get involved. Even my fucking abeoji..." Bastard. He didn't regret knifing him. He didn't like to admit it, he'd never admitted it before it was true. "He never wanted me to rule, he would have done anything. Why do you think he had Jiho in the first damn place?"
"I don't know why your father did anything. Gotta level with you, hyung, your father sounds like a jerk to me." Wait. Damn those rules, he was messing up. "...jerk-nim?" Was that better? Minjun ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I don't want to fight with you. And I want you to stop fighting with your brothers. With yourself. What are you doing, Kangwoo? You are throwing around a little boy? That is not you. I know it's not. I remember when we were little. You would look out for me!"
"No, I didn't." He did. There was no denying it, though Kangwoo would try. He beat up anyone who messed with his cousin, perhaps to the degree of overkill but he helped. He even helped Minjun tie his shoe laces and get snacks. He'd been so excited to be a hyung, he'd taken it with such pride. Spent hours explaining legos and Star Wars. Of course, things were easier then. "It's in the past. I don't think of the past. I keep going to the future, I keep trying to -- to not think because it's not important."
Because then he started thinking of what he lost, of all the pain and the hurt, the medical torture he endured. His eye twitched and he looked aside. "And what does it matter if I was good to you. You left anyway. So what does anything matter? It's all a lot of thankless bullshit."
"Okay, look. When we left, you were, what, ten? And I wasn't even seven yet. You can hate that, I can hate that, but whatever happened there, it's not on you and it's not on me either. You know that." His big cousin had always been weird about his emotions and his outbursts, he knew that, he remembered that. But he would have never thought he'd see him hurt his little brother.
"We have the future to deal with now. You want to make this family better or worse? Kangwoo-hyung, you could have killed Tae today. You were a good big brother to me. Why can't you be a good big brother to your brothers?"
"Eight. You missed my ninth birthday." Nope, he didn't forget that. Uncle promised to be there, said he got him a cool present and then no present, no uncle, no Minjun. He threw a tantrum and got beaten so hard, he never did quite let go of his bitterness. "I don't hate it. I'm glad you left. Wish you'd fuck off now."
Kangwoo crossed his arms and looked at Minjun, feeling so much anger and bitterness. "I don't like them. What do you want from me? I can't give you a better reason than that. I don't like them. I wish they'd never been born. I didn't want siblings."
"Right. If that's true, then let me take them. If that's how you feel, I can take both of them and take them to the US by next week. You'd never have to see any of us again. Just you here. No siblings. No family. Just you and your friends." Minjun looked at Kangwoo's face, raising his eyebrows. "That's what you want, is it?"
He scoffed, shaking his head. "You care for them. Stop lying to yourself."
"They're my property, you're not allowed them. Don't touch my stuff." Kangwoo snapped bitterly as he crossed his arms and pouted. "I just don't -- they're hard. To be around, just... the noise. And the way they eat. And the way they ... and Tae does that thing. With his face! Urgh."
Looking cute and happy even when shit was bad. What was wrong with the little freak. Kangwoo rocked himself a little, trying to calm down his urge to lose it. "They're mine, you can't have them." His to keep. "Just -- don't get yourself all worked up, fairyboy. I'll not throw them again. Okay?"
"If you don't give them to me, then I'll be in your life. Cause they are my cousins and I care about them. Your father and my father worked together, right? We can do that too." Minjun said it as if it was no big deal and as if it just had to happen. Maybe he could just trick Kangwoo into it. "Then maybe we can find ways things are less stressful. We could watch Star Wars together. Come on. We always did that! It was such fun. Remember, you were Luke and I was Yoda and I had to carry you? Almost broke my back."
"I don't watch Star Wars. It's for nerds." He didn't like to think about Star Wars cause then he felt like he wanted to be happy but he couldn't. Also recently Cheon had said only fat basement dwelling nerds watched shit like Star Wars and now he was hyper aware of his dorkiness. God, he missed Star Wars. "You can work for me if that's what you're after. You want into the family? Fine. You can do my boring paperwork."
Because he was already bored of it. "And for the record, you were a shitty Yoda. You couldn't even do the voice."
"Whatever. Sure, I can do paperwork." Minjun shrugged his shoulders, running a hand through his hair. Then he frowned, feeling challenged. And he did his very best to do a Yoda impression. Even more so as he realised, while he spoke, that the quote was really fitting for what Kangwoo was going through. "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
And here his cousin was. Suffering. Minjun looked at him for a moment longer, then he hugged him.
Honestly, he didn't think Kangwoo could throw him. He wasn't that built.
Yoda was always so wise. God, he missed Star Wars. And Yoda. And Luke. And his light saber. He had limited edition figures that were worth millions right now... God, his heart ached to think about it. He missed his stuff. He missed his childhood, even if he'd barely had it. And then, out of nowhere, he was suddenly being hugged.
He was so thrown by it, he didn't know what to do so he just stood there, feeling overwhelmed and his whole body suddenly hyper aware.
He let out a whine like he used to before a melt down and jerked his head back. Nope, nope, he couldn't handle it. He grit his teeth hard.
"It's okay, hyung." Minjun kept his voice quiet, remembering that Kangwoo didn't like things being loud. And he kept holding on to him, wishing he could do something more. Wishing he had a real way to get through to him. "A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never for attack."
And definitely not to throw his little baby brother. "So." Minjun stepped back. "You have honour, right? You keep your promises?"
Kangwoo made a noise of pain and raised his hand to tug at his hair and try to get himself back into reality, he tanked hard and hissed, looking at Minjun with dark eyes. "I won't throw the brats." There. That was as much as he could give right now. "So you can stop bugging me and touching me, you weirdo." He turned around and opened the door, eager to just have some space.
"I got work to do. Have someone call me when Tae wakes up." Whatever, he was busy. He didn't have time to be hugged and coddled. It was creepy.
"Fair enough. Will do. Though, hyung, I meant your other promise. The one to Tae. About getting him a toy." Minjun smirked and then he walked out of the room, heading back to Tae and Jiho. Maybe better not to poke the bear any more.
He stopped next to Jiho, pulling him into another hug. "How's he doing, huh? He's woken up yet?"
"He's in and out. He woke up to ask if I had lunch and then fell asleep again." He was worried about hyung, as always. Poor idiot, he shouldn't worry about others right now. Jiho lay on the bed next to Tae, holding him close and protectively taking care of his tiny brother. He looked at Minjun, hoping he was staying around. "Are you... are you going?"
"Did you have lunch? We should order something, huh? Or do you have a cook in house? Because I can't cook worth a damn." Minjun frowned, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm staying. And I got Kangwoo to agree he won't hurt you again, so hey. Not saying he'll keep to it, but agreeing is an important step. We'll get him to be bearable yet."
"He was never bearable. He was always a jerk." Jiho didn't remember Kangwoo not being mean... mostly because he didn't remember much past his toddler time and that was when Kangwoo was, admittedly, more agreeable. He nuzzled Tae a little and cuddled him close. "I haven't eaten, I was too worried about Tae. I think Kangwoo killed the cook, we've been making our own stuff... Cheon wanted to fuck her and she said no so -- I mean, I haven't seen her since." Jiho sighed and closed his eyes, leaning against his baby brother.
"Okay then. Let's order stuff, yeah? What do you like to eat? And Tae, he might wake up. If not, he can have leftovers later." Minjun was already opening the app, sitting down on the desk chair. Damn, this room was barren. "So, Tae is a happy boy, huh?" That really was weird, given everything. No wonder Kangwoo was confused by it. Not that that excused any of this. "Jiho, do you know Star Wars?"
"I don't like a lot. I mean... I guess sushi. I dunno. I don't like eating out." He had a weird phobia that he might be sick so he avoided eating out like nine times out of ten. He was funny about food, always had been. Weirdness ran in their family. "Tae loves fried noodles so maybe those." Even if he was eight, he still adored it when Jiho fed him a mouthful of noodles, he chewed so happily. "Uhhh... Star Wars? I -- No? I mean maybe. Is that the spacey one?"
"I'll get sushi and noodles, that's easy enough." Minjun ordered quickly, enough to have leftovers. Enough for Kangwoo too, he remembered he liked noodles and he didn't seem like the kind of person to change such preferences. "Food is on the way. And yeah. You know, when you were really little, when we still lived here, your brother loved Star Wars. We always watched it together and we played from it. We played with you too. You were a droid usually, because you couldn't talk so well yet."
"... I never played with Kangwoo. That sounds like a lie. Kangwoo doesn't play, he's psycho." He just assumed he had and always would be psycho too. He'd never really seen much humanity in Kangwoo. After all, he was kind of a bully most of his childhood. He gave Minjun a funny look. "How old was I? ... Oh, man, did you kidnap baby me and make me do dorky stuff? Cause you two suck if you did."
"Hmm... You must have been like... Two? Three? I dunno, one? I'm not good with baby ages. You were tiny. You would mostly just beep. And laugh. You loved it. You were in your crib and we pretended to be on a mission to save you." Minjun laughed, shaking his head. "We didn't kidnap you. Just picked you up and kissed you. Tickled you a bit sometimes. It was pretty fun."
"... Kangwoo kissed me? Okay, that has to be bullshit. He hates me." No, he didn't scare if he was swearing or not, he was willing to be rude and disrespectful around Minjun cause he didn't care. It was pretty cool. "He said he wished I wasn't born. Tae too." And yeah, it hurt a lot. He wished his big brother liked him but he just didn't. He was never sure why. "How come he hates us? What did we do?"
"You didn't do anything. Look, it's a whole thing." Minjun got his phone back out again, pulling up something he'd saved. "Okay, first read this. That's a diagnosis. That's a diagnosis my father had done when he took Kangwoo to an expert. He was just a tiny boy then, younger than you now. Take your time, read it slowly. I know it's a lot. You can ask me if you need anything explained."
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"I want to clear something up right away. I know people are talking shit, but I have no desire to take over from you. Come on, I just graduated!" He realised that probably meant nothing to Kangwoo. "I wanna have fun. Not responsibilities. You know?" Probably not.
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He tried not to dwell on the fact that Tae reacted for Jiho but not himself, he supposed he expected it. Not like he cared or anything. Once they were in a spare room, he shut the door and leaned against it. No way out. "People want you to get involved. Even my fucking abeoji..." Bastard. He didn't regret knifing him. He didn't like to admit it, he'd never admitted it before it was true. "He never wanted me to rule, he would have done anything. Why do you think he had Jiho in the first damn place?"
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Because then he started thinking of what he lost, of all the pain and the hurt, the medical torture he endured. His eye twitched and he looked aside. "And what does it matter if I was good to you. You left anyway. So what does anything matter? It's all a lot of thankless bullshit."
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"We have the future to deal with now. You want to make this family better or worse? Kangwoo-hyung, you could have killed Tae today. You were a good big brother to me. Why can't you be a good big brother to your brothers?"
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Kangwoo crossed his arms and looked at Minjun, feeling so much anger and bitterness. "I don't like them. What do you want from me? I can't give you a better reason than that. I don't like them. I wish they'd never been born. I didn't want siblings."
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He scoffed, shaking his head. "You care for them. Stop lying to yourself."
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Looking cute and happy even when shit was bad. What was wrong with the little freak. Kangwoo rocked himself a little, trying to calm down his urge to lose it. "They're mine, you can't have them." His to keep. "Just -- don't get yourself all worked up, fairyboy. I'll not throw them again. Okay?"
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Because he was already bored of it. "And for the record, you were a shitty Yoda. You couldn't even do the voice."
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And here his cousin was. Suffering. Minjun looked at him for a moment longer, then he hugged him.
Honestly, he didn't think Kangwoo could throw him. He wasn't that built.
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He was so thrown by it, he didn't know what to do so he just stood there, feeling overwhelmed and his whole body suddenly hyper aware.
He let out a whine like he used to before a melt down and jerked his head back. Nope, nope, he couldn't handle it. He grit his teeth hard.
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And definitely not to throw his little baby brother. "So." Minjun stepped back. "You have honour, right? You keep your promises?"
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"I got work to do. Have someone call me when Tae wakes up." Whatever, he was busy. He didn't have time to be hugged and coddled. It was creepy.
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He stopped next to Jiho, pulling him into another hug. "How's he doing, huh? He's woken up yet?"
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He didn't want to be alone with Kangwoo any more.
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