powerboys | My younger self where even tears falling down were beautiful

Jiho flinched under the touch and tensed up until the hand was gone, head low down as he watched for Yoongi to make distance before reaching up to tweak his sheet music. He didn't like to be touched. Only Tae touched him. He tried to get used to it with Jin more and it was easier with him but with Yoongi, he always felt like he was going to do something wrong and Yoongi would turn on him. And he didn't want him to.

He actually kinda liked Yoongi. "I'll practise until you come back, hyung." He supposed he could keep playing songs for people. Maybe he could play one for Jin.

Yoongi gave a nod and left the room, hurrying to get to the nurse's office. He took a cool pack from the fridge there and walked back, waiting outside the door to listen to the music before opening the door. He set the cool pack down on the piano without any comment, sitting down next to Jiho again.

"That was beautiful, Jiho. You have a lot in your heart."

"Really? Maybe that's where everything is then? I got nothing in my brain." Jiho laughed sheepishly as he played a little more, pausing on the final key and letting the note linger. Jin was always making his heart feel things, Tae always said he loved him and they should date cause Jimin said they should date... those two kids were bad influences.

He eyed up the cool pack, unsure if it was for him or not. He bit his lower lip. "I, uh, I fell. Playing sport." It could happen. "I'm clumsy."

"I see. Take the cool pack, yeah? You can always come to me when you need that or anything. Because of playing sport or whatever else." Yoongi wasn't sure how else to do this. He didn't want Jiho to avoid him, he felt that the piano lessons meant a lot to the boy, but he couldn't just not offer a hurt kid help either. "I know someone really clumsy too and he calls me all the time so I can help him fix stuff."

"Is it Namjoon-nim? Cause he broke the smartboard in the classroom today." Jiho smiled as he put the ice pack on his cheek, a little amused by his teacher. He broke it, whined for half an hour, they got little work done and then Namjoon panicked and tried to cram an hour lesson into half an hour. "He's kind of a mess, isn't he? He needs a fixer."

All clumsy people needed someone to fix stuff for them. "Tae is clumsy too. He walks into everything. Falls down everything. He once got his foot stuck in a sewer grate. Namjoon-nim reminds me of Tae-ah sometimes."

"Then I'd definitely like your brother." Because he did like Namjoon. A lot. "Namjoon-ah is really smart, but he is a mess. He needs someone to help him sometimes. But I guess everyone does. Sometimes I need someone too."

If only to feel less alone sometimes. "If you ever need help because Tae hurt himself like you did today, you can always ask me too. I'm good at these things, I always help Namjoon."

Well. All of that was true. But he really hoped Jiho would come for reasons other than clumsiness too.

"It's okay, I can always take care of Tae. And if I can't, I go to appa. That's why we have appas, right? To take care of us." He was good at pretending, it made it easier. He looked down sadly at the piano, wishing his appa was like a proper appa and not like he was. He wanted to be loved too. He wanted Tae to be loved. He wished he could be little and have eomma back so often.

Setting the ice pack down, he played along the keys a little.

"I-- I love my appa. I'm very lucky."

"Sometimes you can't go to an appa. Mine lives pretty far away. And Namjoon... He has a bad appa, you know? He really doesn't like his appa. I hate his appa." Not that he knew more than some stories, but that was enough. Enough to have him cuddle Namjoon all night on more than one occasion.

"I'm just saying. It's sometimes good to have someone close by who can help. So I can help you, if you need anything." Yoongi checked the clock again. "It's time, Jiho. Are you finished for the day now?"

Jiho looked down at the piano for a few and nodded his head, unsure how to feel. He wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell someone but he'd lose Tae. "Sometimes an appa isn't everything... but an appa is the man of the house. He keeps it together." That's what Kangwoo always said and it was true. Without him, the family fell apart. And he didn't want to be alone.

"Thank you for everything, hyung." Jiho got up and bowed to Yoongi, looking anxiously from him to the door. "I-- I -- nevermind. I'll go. Thank you."

"Okay. You know, Jiho, you can come to the music room any time. Even when I'm in another lesson, you know there's room for you to just sit and listen to music. And I have a keyboard in my office." He just wanted to give the boy all the comfort it could, but it wasn't easy. "I think you're very talented, but I also just think that you are a really great boy."

"... Okay. Thank you." He was a great boy? Oh no. That was hard to hear. Jiho swiftly hurried out of the classroom before he cried in front of Yoongi cause no one had praised him like that since eomma and it was hard to hear. He went to the boys bathroom to cry, wanting to badly to go and see Tae, to hug his brother... he couldn't disturb him though.

Besides, Baeks didn't cry.

"Jiho?" Jin opened the door to the boys' bathroom and looked around, having seen his friend vanish into it. He wouldn't have followed normally, but he had looked a bit distraught. "Are you okay? Should I get the nurse?"

Maybe something was wrong with his stomach?

"I'm okay." Shit. He didn't want to see anyone right now. He didn't want to be seen crying or become uncool. Kangwoo always said it was uncool and wussy to cry. Only girls cried. He wasn't a girl. He sniffled and wiped aggressively at his eyes. "Go away, I wanna be alone." He didn't want Jin of all people to see him like this.

He liked Jin, he wanted to stay his friend.

"Oh no..." Jiho sounded so upset, it brought tears to Jin's eyes. He cried easily, he couldn't help it. He sniffed, pushing his glasses aside so he could rub his eyes. "I'm sorry you are having a bad day, Jiho. I wanted to be in time to hear you play piano, but I was too slow!"

And he knew that this wasn't why Jiho was upset, but he felt bad about it anyway.

"It's okay. I didn't play anything great..." He thought he did well but suddenly Yoongi was saying things to him and they made him feel bad. He knew they weren't because he did bad but he felt like he was lying to him. He rubbed at his eyes and listened to Jin... was he crying too? Oh no.

"Are you crying?" Jin shouldn't cry! "Please don't!"

"It's okay... I'm just sad because you are sad." He was a sensitive boy. "My eomma says that it's good to cry. Better than keeping things bottled up." And his eomma was always right. He really wanted to hug her right now! "Can you come out, Jiho? I want a hug." Well, he wasn't the brat that Jimin could be, but he still knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it.

"My appa says crying is stupid." Jiho didn't want to cry in front of Jin but he felt silly hanging out in a toilet stall. He opened the door and peered out at Jin, sheepish and feeling a bit like an idiot. He didn't feel good at all. Crying really made his head hurt - he forgot how much crying sucked. He hadn't done it for a while.

"Why do you wanna hug me?" He wasn't used to being hugged unless it was by Tae.

"Appas are wrong a lot. My eomma always says that." Jin moved forward and pulled Jiho into a hug, closing his eyes as he held him close. "Hugging is nice. It makes us feel good, doesn't it? It is warm and it's a sign that someone really likes you. I really like you, so I want to hug you and feel better. It shows we care, so I know I'm not alone."

There were so many reasons to hug. Jin pulled back to smile at him, a few tears still in his eyes. "Please feel better." He was so worried about his face too.

"I am, I just got a little upset." Jiho didn't like to make a big deal out of it. He just really liked Yoongi, he was smart and he got music, he reminded him of his eomma a lot. He just knew how to use music to make him feel... and sometimes that was hard. He hurt thinking about what Yoongi said. He thought he was a great kid. "You really like me? You're sweet. I don't know why you really like me but I like it."

Jin was so smart, so handsome and just the coolest guy. He was so lucky to be his friend. "I really like you too."

"I think you are my best friend now." Not that he kept a chart or anything, but he loved spending time with Jiho more than he loved spending time with anyone else! "You really have to come too when Tae and Jiminie have their play date, my parents will want to meet you. I told them about you."

He put a hand on his heart. "I love listening when you play piano, Jiho. It makes me feel all warm in my chest." It was so amazing. Finally he was getting what his parents had told him about music before. "Plus, you are so funny. You make me laugh."

"You make me laugh too! You're like a kpop idol." Jiho wiped his eyes and tried his best to look like he had his shit together, smiling weakly at Jin as he started to pull him along by his sleeve. It was probably a smart idea to stop crying and hugging in the boy's room, just in case someone wanted to use it.

"I want to come over. Me and Tae are free Friday, we planned it all out." They had lied and told their appa that Jiho had extra credit and Tae had extra gym. Ha!

"We will have the best day!" Jin smiled and followed Jiho out of the bathroom, happy to have had this hug. Happy to just be with Jiho, really. "I could be an idol! Or an actor. I'd really want to be a k-drama actor, do you like watching them? I love acting on stage, it's always a lot of fun."

There was a reason he was the school's mini idol. "I just wish I didn't have these glasses. They make me ugly."

"I think they make you look cool, you dork." Jiho laughed and reached out, adjusting Jin's glasses for him. "You're handsome, doesn't matter what you wear. Everyone is jealous of you, they want to be like you. Cause you're that cool." He knew, he watched boys copy Jin's fashion and girls flock around him.

He felt special that he was his best friend. It was so cool. "If you were in k-dramas, I'd watch them all the time."

"You can do that when we're old enough. We have to get married than anyway, our brother's have decided." And judging by Jin's smile, he didn't mind that decision too much. "I'll either be an actor or a doctor, so I'm a good match either way."

His parents had joked about that when he told them his future plans and so he had remembered what they said, even if he wasn't quite sure what it meant. "And I'll wear contacts, so I'll be even more handsome."

Jiho blushed and laughed, unsure how to respond. Marrying Jin? It was funny but he kind of wanted to. His heart raced whenever he looked at him. "I'd be lucky if I got to date you. You're so handsome, cool and smart! I wish I could be those things for you." He'd love to be worthy of Jin but he was worried that he wasn't.

"I'll look forward to the future. It's only going to get better, isn't it?" Eight years and he could have Tae all to himself.

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worldwidehandsome - 2019-02-24 21:28 (UTC) - Expand

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thebias - 2019-02-24 21:32 (UTC) - Expand