powerboys | My younger self where even tears falling down were beautiful

"We take care of each other, yes." People asked? They were snooping already? Oh no. Where did he go wrong? Was it him or Tae that fucked up? Damn it. He was going to have to be more careful. The last thing they needed was to have someone involved. He could take the pain, he could suffer for Tae. He couldn't bear the idea of being split from his TaeTae. It would be like losing his last piece of eomma.

"We always have to keep our special secret. So we tell everyone that appa is amazing and so good to us, we're having the best time with him." Whatever it took. "Don't mention too much that I take care of you always or they'll think appa doesn't. Then we'll be in trouble."

"I know! I say appa is good. He held me last time, do you remember?" It was for a picture and as little as he possibly could get away with it, but Tae still liked the memory. He wanted to love his appa! He felt as if he should. It was just a bit difficult, given everything. Maybe one day he'd like Tae more.

"I think they just wanted to know cause of eomma, but I told them and it is all good. They won't say anything!"

"Yeah, he needed good PR so he used you. I remember." Bastard. He always used Tae, made him think they were getting close or he might have love and then he dropped Tae and turned on him as soon as he could. Tae deserved better, he deserved a good appa. Not a bastard like their father. "You don't need him. You have me."

And he was good enough. He could raise Tae. He had done for a long time. When eomma got sick, he even changed Tae's diapers. He knew what he was doing. He could do it better than appa. He was the hyung. "We'll be okay. We just have to stick together. Me and you."

"What's PR? Did I do a good job for him?" Tae frowned, because he wanted to know. That was his appa! He wanted to do well. He never had an eomma that he could remember at all, so his appa was all he knew about parenthood and it did hurt that he didn't really want him.

Not that his hyung wasn't great, but he was a hyung! Not an appa. Tae worried his bottom lip, then smiled at Jiho. "Hyung, is it nice to have the piano lessons? I love when you play piano! You are so good! The bestest!"

"You're cute, that's all appa needs. You do a good job. You always do the best job for hyung too. The other day, when you poured me juice? You're such a hero, kid." He held his hand up so Tae could high five him. He didn't think pouring juice was that impressive but he knew these days that Tae wasn't just being a needy brat, he just wanted to be loved. And he didn't get it from appa.

"I love to play piano. I like playing for you too. Eomma always said that music is the greatest gift." And he believed that. "I'm really happy to play again."

"I will learn dancing and then I can dance when you play and we will be a team. Eomma would like that, yes?" Tae had a good idea of eomma in his head, pieced together from what Jiho had told him over the years, seeing eommas on television and his own imagination. He high-fived his brother happily, grinning.

"Jiminie says that his brother is friends with you too, so we are all friends! That's so cool. We can always have fun together. Jimin's eomma is really nice!" Or so he'd been told. "He said she's the prettiest woman in Korea! Everyone agrees."

"Cause she was voted it, I know. I heard about it." Some girls told him. For some reason, hanging with Jin got all the girls to pay attention to him. "I think she won a --"

The door slammed behind them and Jiho leapt forward, holding Tae protective in his arms as he stood up. Tae was heavier now, he almost knocked him off his feet but instinct beat out all sense of logic as he backed up.

"Are you brats hiding in here? I heard your voices. Open up!"

Tae stared at the door with obvious terror, holding on to Jiho. He didn't want anything bad to happen, but he knew hiding didn't always help. Not when their appa knew where they were. He petted Jiho's arm and swallowed, doing what he could to keep from hiding. Appa hated when he cried.

He looked up at Jiho to figure out what they should do. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad? Maybe it was just about PR!

"Shh, okay, shhh. I have a plan. You have to do exactly what hyung says or he'll be upset with you." Jiho explained, ignoring the way Kangwoo cussed at them. Jiho crouched down and slowly started to shove Tae under the bed, making sure he was as safe as he could be. "Don't make a sound. Don't move. We're playing a game and if you move, you lose."

Once Tae was hidden, he went to the door and unlocked it. "Appa, I was just--"

He was backhanded as soon as the door opened and he backed up, hoping Tae stayed under the bed. "Where is your little brother? Both have you have been driving me crazy today. All the noise you've made." Bullshit, they'd made no noise and Jiho knew it.

"He's not here. We were talking on the walkie talkie. He's in his room..." He just needed Tae to stay under. He could handle their dad yelling at him and hitting him, pushing him around. It was normal. He couldn't stand it happening to Tae.

Tae wanted to protect his hyung. He didn't like this game. It wasn't fair anyway! Jiho never made any sound! Sometimes Tae was loud, but never when Kangwoo was home either. Why did they get hurt? They were good boys. Hyung was the best boy. But if he came out now, Jiho would be exposed as a liar and that would make things worse, so all Tae could do was hug himself and hope for the best.

He wished very strongly, like they did in fairy tales. He wished that their appa would remember to love them.

When their dad was finally done, he stormed off and slammed the door. It wasn't as bad as Jiho expected but it wasn't great either. He heard the door lock from the outside and looked at the door with concern. Damn it. What if they needed to get out? He was doing this on purpose cause he hid.

Jiho wiped the blood from his mouth and crawled on the floor so he could lie down in front of the bed, holding his hand out for Tae and smiling. He could hide the pain, it didn't matter. "You did so well. Bravest boy. I'm so proud of you. I have a special treat for you cause you did so well."

Tae crawled out from under the bed and looked at Jiho with concern. He looked at the door, having heard the lock as well. Now he couldn't get a cloth to wipe the blood with! He gently stroked his hyung's face, feeling awful. "I wasn't good, I just hid."

Like a coward. Why could he never be the one to take care of Jiho? He didn't do anything wrong! It made him feel so angry and helpless. "Appa isn't fair! He smells." He rubbed at his eyes, still trying to keep from crying.

"No, you did just what I asked. I'm bigger so it doesn't hurt so much. You're little. If you get hurt then it's worse. I'd be upset." Jiho tried to calm the boy down, pulling him into his lap and petting his hair, kissing the top of his head to try and keep him from breaking down. "Appa isn't fair but that's okay. Hyung will protect you."

That's what a hyung did. "It'll be okay, see? I feel fine." He smiled and tried his best to block out the pain. He was good at it now. "Please don't cry. I just wanted you safe."

"I'll protect hyung. I'll get stronger than appa." Tae nodded with determination. Maybe it would take a few years, but he knew he could do it. He rubbed at his eyes and straightened up. "I don't cry. Crying is for babies." That was what appa said. So he wouldn't cry. He would just be strong. Then it wouldn't hurt him so much either. "You are the one who should get a treat..."

"Baeks don't cry." That's what their father had always drilled into them. Even so, Jiho thought back to eomma, who always told him that crying was a good thing. When Tae would have a tantrum as a toddler, crying his eyes out, eomma always said it was good. "The treat is for both of us. We're locked in here so you don't what that means?" Jiho smiled at Tae, trying to get his smile back. "We can build a blanket fort."

"I know. I never cry!" That wasn't true, but he always made sure to only cry when he was alone in bed or when he hid his face so Jiho couldn't see. He wanted to be strong! He had to be, because Jiho was so sweet and soft and he needed to be like eomma for him, a little. With eomma kisses.

And right now with big, wide eyes, beaming. "Yes!" They were safe now, they could do that. "You are hurt, hyung, so you can just tell me what to do!" He was ready for instructions.

"Okay so we need pillows, blankets and we can build it in the middle of the room. Come fetch me all the blankets, pillows and towels. I think there's sheets in the wardrobe." Tae brought the stuff and, despite being hurt, he did most of the work and pretended like Tae did it inside. It was tricky but he knew how to by now. Once they were done, the fort was big, stable and cosy.

Jiho pulled Tae on top of him and lay back, looking up at the blankety roof. "We're safe now, Tae. No one can get us." Not ever. "You're a good bro, TaeTae."

"Uh-huh. It's like a cave. Or a castle." Tae smiled and snuggled on top of his brother, resting his head on his chest so he could hear his heart. "I love you, hyung." He just felt as if he should say it.

"And I think we are like princes in a castle and there is a dragon outside, but he can't get us. Cause we are safe in here, we are really clever."

"Oh yeah, no dragon can get us. And if he tries, we'll summon our army to destroy him. And then he'll be gone and we'll rule everything alongside our castle." He huffed out a laugh, wondering how Tae saw a fort and turned it into a castle. He wished he still had an imagination like that. "One day we'll slay the dragon. For now, we just hide and stay safe. I can't rule the kingdom without you."

And that's why he'd never tell or risk telling. He couldn't lose Tae.

My younger self where even tears falling down were beautiful

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