"You play nice music, appa. I like to hear it cause then I sing it in my head when I'm scared and then I'm not so scared." He found music had greatly helped him cope, even if it meant that at 3am, he would walk himself to the bathroom loudly humming some song Yoongi had been playing - it was better than wetting the bed.
"It's scary but sometimes, cause of you and na--dada, it's easier. Cause then I can be protected. No one can touch you, that's what dada says. It makes it less scary." He still had nightmares, he was still afraid but he had progressed remarkably well. He just knew that Yoongi would never let anyone hurt him.
"Does the woman help, the one who comes and plays with you sometimes?" He figured using the word 'psychologist' wouldn't help, so he just described what she did, since he'd forgotten her name off the top of his head. Yoongi finally got up, carrying Jungkook and heading for his room, since they could cuddle somewhere other than the bathroom floor. "She seems really nice and she can maybe make things a bit easier for you to deal with, you know?"
"She's very nice. We play with my blocks and she asks me about eomma. I tell her that eomma was the best! She says that I'm very lucky and I am." Jungkook smiled at Yoongi and then snuggled up to him, knowing that they were going to the bedroom. He loved whenever he got cuddle time. Lately, it had been very busy with everything else happening. Alone time with Yoongi was still the best part of the day. "Sometimes we talk about... about the bad men but... I-I think it's too scary."
Yoongi dropped down on his bed and shifted Jungkook properly onto his stomach, keeping his arms around him as he hummed, thinking about it. "Is it too scary when you talk to me too? Because you know that I am ways scarier than any of the monsters, right?
He wasn't sure whether this was the best idea, but if the psychologist wanted him to talk about it, maybe it was a good idea to try and help him get past that barrier. "No one can hurt you, especially not when you're talking to me."
"I dunno. It's scary." It was hard, he thought about it and then suddenly, he was back there and all the bad men were coming. Eomma wasn't moving and the ugly man grabbed him, hurt him, slapped him. They gave him away and those people were worse! They were worse and-- Jungkook whined sadly and nuzzled against Yoongi.
"It was a bad place, appa. Bad. Real bad." He didn't like it. He felt tears slip out as he gripped onto Yoongi. "There were nice people but they all got taken away and hurt by the bad ones. I--I didn't like the bad men there."
"You know, dada and I are trying to make all those bad men go away. All your hyungs are helping us, especially Minjun-hyung." He wrapped his arms around Jungkook even tighter, rocking him a little bit to reassure him that he was here and safe. "We'll get them all and make sure they can't ever hurt anyone again. That's why dada and I have been so busy lately, we have a lot of work to do. But it's all to make the city a better place."
Finally cracking the Dark Dragons, it was more than he could have expected. "Your TaeTae and his hyung and Ten and Minjun, they are doing a lot. They are being really brave, you know? Fighting the bad men."
"Uh huh, really brave cause they're scary and they hurt but they fight them. The two that hurt TaeTae and -- and the men at the place were mean. There was one and he hit me really hard, I was scared and he kept yelling at me. He said he'd cut my tongue out." Jungkook trembled a little as he clung onto his new appa, knowing that it was better now - that his appas would help him, his hyungs and everyone nice he knew. He was safe.
It was just scary to think about. "A lot of people were crying and screaming, it scared me and I couldn't help it. I cried too. Then they yelled, appa. I was so scared."
"You know, those men are cowards. I always thought anyone who has to yell to be heard probably just can't make people listen and anyone who hits people that are weaker than him deserves to be beaten up themselves. Like TaeTae's oldest brother." What an irredeemable asshole. Yoongi couldn't make himself feel bad for Kangwoo, talk about a guy who had truly brought it on himself. "All of those mean man, they are going to be gone soon. Some of them are already. No one gets to scare you and get away with it."
"Cause you're my hero, appa. You protected me and you brought me home. I didn't think anyone would ever help me because everyone was so sad and crying. Then you came. Bam! Like a super hero! And you carried me and you held me, we went to the car and it was safe." Jungkook told him, as if he didn't know the story by now. Jungkook told it often. It was usually one of the first things he told people - his appa was a super hero. "Thank you for keeping me safe."
"I was worried that you'd be too scared to trust me and Joon-ah, but then you calmed down so quickly. Such a brave boy. We were talking about dinosaurs and then I helped you shower and we had some dumplings, do you remember that? I know you were really sleepy, but you were such a good boy from the start." So sweet, so determined to be a good boy. Always a good boy, from the beginning onward. "We cuddled in bed here all night. That was nice too. And then when you woke up the next day, your bunny was here! Remember that?"
"Yep! My bunny was there and I gave him such a big hug! I thought I'd never see him again cause eomma was dead and I couldn't find my way back home but then dada did it for me." Jungkook smiled and crawled up Yoongi, playing with the hem of his shirt, as he often did when they were just hanging about. "I know I gotta be a big boy soon but I don't want to not share a bed with you and dada cause it's nice. I like being with you."
He knew big boys slept in their own bed but he liked sleeping with his appa. "It's scary alone."
"You think maybe for a start, we can buy you a bed to go where the sofa is now, so you'll be right by us?" Eventually, yes, he would like to be able to have sex again, but that had been put on the back burner for now. Young parents. "You managed to sleep okay the night that Jiminie and Hobi were there to watch you, right?" That had been a big test, but luckily it had worked pretty well, after some initial drama.
"So if you have the bed right there, you can still crawl into our bed when you need to, but when you feel like being a big boy, you can sleep in the bed."
"It was scary but Jimin promised to not leave the room and he didn't!" There was a dicey moment when Jimin went to pee but luckily Hobi got his ass up to make sure no tears happened. Jungkook struggled a lot to be alone and he was very anxious of the idea - the lady who came to play said so but he was working on it! He did want to be a big boy.
"We can have a bed in here and then I will be a big boy. And then I'll have a big boy room later. Laaaater." Not yet. Cause he was still little. "TaeTae hyung says I'm still a baby so that's okay, it means I can share a bed a tiny bit longer."
"Oh yeah, you can. Dada and I don't mind." Not enough to actually want to try and stop it, anyway. He loved his sweet boy a bit too much for that and besides, his trauma was obvious and justified. Maybe in a few months, he could imagine that it would all be a different story soon enough. They would slowly work on it. "You know that I like cuddling with you too."
Or he wouldn't be lying here during his precious free time. "Jungkookie, do you know what kindergarten is?"
"I like cuddling a lot." Jungkook told him as he cuddled a little harder just to show it. He rolled off Yoongi and lay on his back, squirming and wriggling. Kids could never stay still, after all. He held Yoongi's hand and held it up, playing with his fingers. "That's where you go and learn like a big boy! You do counting and crafty things."
He knew all about it cause he saw it on the TV. "Jimin says it's a lot of fun and you can meet lots of boys and girls who are nice there."
"Yeah, that's it. Jimin knows a lot about stuff like that, you know he is good with this stuff." Well, he was a bit like a kid sometimes, so Yoongi figured he could call him an expert on that. He wiggled his fingers a bit, but mostly just left it to Jungkook to play with him. "There is a kindergarten with all the kids of the Min clan and some others and dada and I figured you might like to start going there. You could make a lot of friends and learn stuff, that sounds cool, right?"
"Would you come with me?" Jungkook wasn't sure. That was outside. Outside and alone. It was scary and he felt unsure, biting his lower lip as he played with Yoongi's fingers. It did look like a lot of fun but why couldn't he have a lot of fun there with appa? He thought that made the most sense. It was also the safest possible option. Easily. "Does Jiminie go to kindergarten? We could all play there."
"I would come with you to take you there. You know, I work in the same building. Only I work in the very, very top and the kindergarten is on the ground floor, because there is a door right to the garden and there's a lot of toys there, like a little park." He gestured with his free hand in a way that probably wasn't helpful, but whatever. "So appa and all his men are also right there. And Jiminie does go to kindergarten. He's the kindergarten teacher, you know? He's really good at it."
"So I can go but if it's scary, you can come get me so I can leave?" He liked that. It made it a little less scary. He nodded his head and smiled at Yoongi. "Then I'll go and I can play with people. Then you come get me, yes? Every day. Every single day. And then we hug." Jungkook ordered, beaming with excitement cause kindergarten did seem like a lot of fun. "Jimin is really nice! He will take care of me too."
"Uh-huh. Either me or dada, we will always come and pick you up." They'd just have to arrange for it. Hey, they managed these weeks with almost always one of them being home entirely, he was sure they could manage the kindergarten schedule, seemed like a definite improvement. "Jiminie is the best and he adores you. He also says the other kids in the kindergarten are really nice too, so you'll have fun playing. And you can learn a lot too. Soon you'll be able to read to appa and dada, huh?"
"I want to read like you do cause then I can always read stories. That's the bestest part of bed time! I tried to read one of dada's stories but it's too small and hard." He couldn't understand any of it and Namjoon read a little aloud, it just confused him. Namjoon had warned him it wasn't fun but Jungkook was still pouty over it. "If I get all scared at kindergarten and I don't wanna... can I stop?" He didn't think he wouldn't like it but he just wanted to know if he had options.
"Yeah, then you can stop. I promise, Kookie." Yoongi smiled a bit and gave his hand a squeeze. "You know, the other children at the kindergarten will think you are really special, because you are mine and dada's, but you just remember that you are special because you are yourself and they are also all special. You aren't better than them, just different, and you always be nice to everyone, yeah?"
"Of course I'm nice to everyone. Except bad people cause they're bad. I'm Jungkookie. I know who I am! I am your little bunny." He wiggled his nose and giggled, clapping his hands a little cause he was very excited. He didn't understand what Yoongi was getting out but one day he would. He was in a very powerful position, he just had no awareness of it. "I hope I make a lot of friends.
"I bet you will, my little bunny." Yoongi checked his watch and got up, holding a hand out to Jungkook so he could help him up as well. "What do you say you and I get started on dinner? Your dada is going to be hungry when he gets home."
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"It's scary but sometimes, cause of you and na--dada, it's easier. Cause then I can be protected. No one can touch you, that's what dada says. It makes it less scary." He still had nightmares, he was still afraid but he had progressed remarkably well. He just knew that Yoongi would never let anyone hurt him.
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He wasn't sure whether this was the best idea, but if the psychologist wanted him to talk about it, maybe it was a good idea to try and help him get past that barrier. "No one can hurt you, especially not when you're talking to me."
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"It was a bad place, appa. Bad. Real bad." He didn't like it. He felt tears slip out as he gripped onto Yoongi. "There were nice people but they all got taken away and hurt by the bad ones. I--I didn't like the bad men there."
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Finally cracking the Dark Dragons, it was more than he could have expected. "Your TaeTae and his hyung and Ten and Minjun, they are doing a lot. They are being really brave, you know? Fighting the bad men."
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It was just scary to think about. "A lot of people were crying and screaming, it scared me and I couldn't help it. I cried too. Then they yelled, appa. I was so scared."
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He knew big boys slept in their own bed but he liked sleeping with his appa. "It's scary alone."
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"So if you have the bed right there, you can still crawl into our bed when you need to, but when you feel like being a big boy, you can sleep in the bed."
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"We can have a bed in here and then I will be a big boy. And then I'll have a big boy room later. Laaaater." Not yet. Cause he was still little. "TaeTae hyung says I'm still a baby so that's okay, it means I can share a bed a tiny bit longer."
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Or he wouldn't be lying here during his precious free time. "Jungkookie, do you know what kindergarten is?"
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He knew all about it cause he saw it on the TV. "Jimin says it's a lot of fun and you can meet lots of boys and girls who are nice there."
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