"You like him, don't you? Yoongi-ssi." Since he didn't know anything about the man other than that he was a janitor, supposedly had a big dick and wore converse high, red ones, Jin just settled on calling him that for now. Easy enough. "It's not anything that's wrong with you, it's just something that takes some getting used to. It's not easy for you to let anyone close to you, and he isn't someone you can control like you try with most people. Is he?"
"No, he's a stubborn bastard. He's -- He said I can call him hyung." It was weird. And he hadn't, on purpose, and then he slipped recently. Sitting back in his chair, Namjoon pulled his legs up without thinking and held them close, looking so much like his younger brother in that moment. Right down to the nervous way he chewed his lower lip. "Sometimes I think about my ideal friend, you know? Like when I'm alone and it's like... I dunno, he just came to life and I'm half sure I'm delusional and he's not real."
It was pretty surreal. "I--I don't like to like people."
"An ideal friend." Jin repeated the phrase, looking at Namjoon curiously. What would an ideal friend to Namjoon even be like? He couldn't imagine. Maybe it was a little like Namjoon described, him projecting onto someone. That made sense, he supposed. A stubborn bastard, making him call him hyung. Interesting.
"It's not bad though, is it? Having a hyung. I know I love my hyungs." Best not to think about that now. He didn't know if he'd ever see them again. A taboo subject, just like his family. "What do you like about him? Maybe it will help you accept it when you understand it better."
"I've never had a hyung. I am the hyung. I'm a good hyung." Namjoon insisted stubbornly, looking off elsewhere. "That's what I have to be. For Tae. He's sensitive, he needs me." He fell apart so easily. He cried earlier today, he heard him when he came to visit and when he tried to comfort him, he was almost shutting down again. he wanted to make Tae happy and he kept making it worse.
"He likes music and he's a dick to me but he -- I don't know, maybe he actually likes me?" It was weird, that didn't happen. "People never like me." He knew Jin didn't, he didn't blame him, he set out to make him hate him. That was safer. "Dad always said no one likes a know-it-all. Especially not one like me."
"You can be a hyung and still have hyungs." Jin thought that was a simple enough concept, but apparently it wasn't that way for Namjoon. Not surprising, given everything, but he still had to mention it. "You can be strong for Tae and have someone who looks after you anyway."
In Jin's opinion, he needed a lot of people that would look after him. He needed different circumstances and maybe he'd stand a chance. Even now still. "Sounds like you've found someone who likes you and cares about you. Is that really so bad, Namjoon-ah?"
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It was pretty surreal. "I--I don't like to like people."
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"It's not bad though, is it? Having a hyung. I know I love my hyungs." Best not to think about that now. He didn't know if he'd ever see them again. A taboo subject, just like his family. "What do you like about him? Maybe it will help you accept it when you understand it better."
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"He likes music and he's a dick to me but he -- I don't know, maybe he actually likes me?" It was weird, that didn't happen. "People never like me." He knew Jin didn't, he didn't blame him, he set out to make him hate him. That was safer. "Dad always said no one likes a know-it-all. Especially not one like me."
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In Jin's opinion, he needed a lot of people that would look after him. He needed different circumstances and maybe he'd stand a chance. Even now still. "Sounds like you've found someone who likes you and cares about you. Is that really so bad, Namjoon-ah?"