"This kid." Yoongi huffed in mostly faked annoyance, rolling his eyes and trying to figure out the tone in Namjoon's voice, aside from his usual complaining. Sounded like he might be in pain, he wasn't sure what that was about. Maybe he was just hyper-aware and read into it, that happened.
But it made him feel sorry for him and he couldn't really offer much comfort, so he figured he might provide some truth instead. "I don't got that many people to talk to. Never have. Mostly don't want to, people ain't that great."
He looked at his hand, inspecting his fingernails. "I like talking to you."
He felt his heart race and he wanted it to stop. He curled into himself a little and reminded himself that soon everything was going to change. It'd change and Yoongi was not important. He wanted to just tell him not to come to work on Friday but it'd be too obvious. He had this plan for so long and his freedom, Tae's happiness, it was all more important.
Then why was he so worried that Yoongi was going to hate him? "You need to stop talking to me and get a better job. You don't want to talk to guys like me. I'm a monster, yeah? Bad. Real bad. Killed my dad, liked it too. I'd kill again. You don't want to be near me."
"I'm guessing your dad was an asshole, yeah?" It wasn't as if he knew anything about Namjoon that Namjoon hadn't told him, but they had had many conversations. Sometimes they'd talked about family. Not in detail, not about their own, but there was enough there to put the obvious together. "And you got a little brother? I don't know. Sounds like you might have had a reason to kill him."
Did that thinking make him less than sane too? Yoongi didn't know. Maybe not, as long as he didn't actually kill anyone. "Lots of people walking around outside who feel more monstrous than you. I ran into my ex the other night, that's a piece of work. I'd rather you than him any day."
"I'm a murderer, you idiot. I'm much worse." Well. He hadn't ever technically murdered anyone. Not really. Passively, sure, he'd commanded men to do all manner of shit for him once he realised he had that power but personally? No. Never. Tae had. More than once. After their father, it started to go down hill and it just never got any better. "I'm just trying to -- fuck."
He just wanted to help. He put his head in his hands and tried to breath, too many emotions. Since when did he get emotions. It hurt and he hated it, so much. "You're hurting me, you need to stop this and quit. Quit and leave, don't come back. No one will miss your ugly ass so just get out." His voice choked a little by accident and he swallowed, trying to clear his throat.
"You okay, Namjoon?" Yoongi got up, enough to look through the door. He was unsure what was happening, but it was obvious that Namjoon was upset. What did he do about that?
"Hey. I'll quit eventually. When I make it big. Then I'll just come here to get them to let me record with you. Rappers do it from prison all the time, why couldn't you?" He was sure being rich enough would make things happen. It always seemed to for other people. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on working here forever."
"You can't be here. Please? I want you to make it big and--and... there's dangerous people here. I'm dangerous. You're not gonna last it if you stay so please leave. Get out of my world." His little, isolated world where he had control, he protected and controlled everyone around him and they all just fit into place, they all just worked.
And here was Yoongi. He couldn't be control, he wouldn't do what he was told and he wasn't manipulated easily. He was just here. A defiance. A blip. He hugged his knees and lowered his head, curling up protectively. "You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you and by the time you do, you'll be fucked."
"I don't know. You're making me feel like I might be the dangerous one." Yoongi sometimes wondered whether that was why he clicked with Namjoon. Because they both belonged here and he'd just gotten lucky enough to be outside. But maybe it was the other way round and Namjoon really belonged outside. If only his life had played out differently.
"Don't be so upset. You'll make your hyung feel bad."
"I'm very dangerous. I'm smart. That's how I've stayed going all these years, gotta be smart. That's why I got myself in this shithole. It was better than prison. That's where I learned that ... that I have to have control, you know? Cause these big dudes, they're coming at me and my brother is falling to pieces outside those walls and what can I do? Fuck all." And then he discovered how easily he could use people. He know it made him dangerous and cold but also knew that it kept him and Tae alive.
"If you owned the world for a day, controlled every aspect of it, what would you do?" Because soon he'd have that power. In his own little world, at least.
"Mhm." Yoongi wondered whether he was supposed to have a deep answer to that. But really, he didn't have a big speech about how dangerous he was, because he wasn't Namjoon. He just listened to Namjoon and sometimes that was enough to make him feel that connection they had. "Probably sleep."
Well, it was mostly what was on his mind. "Sleep for a whole day." Sleeping was nice. Just sleeping and not having anything else to do? Yeah. "Then I'd make music."
"Sleep gets boring though. I have to sleep a lot. They drug me all the time, just for helping Tae. They say I'm a problem." He huffed out a bitter, annoyed laugh and then turned his head, smiling up at the ceiling a little cause he liked the sound of Yoongi's day. "I like the music part. Maybe napping is nicer than drugged sleep. I dunno. I don't sleep a lot."
Not these days anyway. "Do you wanna know what I'd do?"
"I don't really sleep a lot either, so... Mostly I wanna sleep, eat and work. That's it. Right now it's more work, work and work." Which was fine, until he passed out, but hey. At least he got things done. At least he was getting somewhere.
"I'd protect you." Namjoon reached up and gripped his shirt a little, licking his lips nervously. "I'd protect Tae and Hobi, Jiminie and Ten. I'd protect the people who need to be protected. Then they'd all be safe and nothing bad could happen. I could control that." It was important that Yoongi knew that. He could control it, every bad thing, as long as he had power.
"I would make sure you were okay, hyung. Even if be getting control could hurt people and it'd be bad for some, the world would be better. Safer." He leaned his head back, considering his next words. "You could make music for me. In my new world. Make it less quiet."
"Right. That's sweet." It kind of was. It wasn't really what he'd expected to hear after that whole 'dangerous' speech, but he supposed it made sense with what he knew of Namjoon. He wondered whether Namjoon realised that he was meant to be a good person, a really good person. Just the wrong lot in life leading him to this instead. Maybe that was why Yoongi kept returning to him.
"Hyung can take care of himself, Namjoon. Feel like maybe you're the one who could use someone looking out for a change. Then we can make music together."
"No one can look out for me but I can look out for others. I will always protect people who need it and punish people who hurt. You'll get it. If you really, really have to say then you'll get it." He sighed and let his legs sprawl out. Two more days. He supposed until they, he could enjoy being friends with Yoongi. He would come around, maybe, he would understand.
No one would hurt him. "Thanks for bring music back into my life, hyung."
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no subject
But it made him feel sorry for him and he couldn't really offer much comfort, so he figured he might provide some truth instead. "I don't got that many people to talk to. Never have. Mostly don't want to, people ain't that great."
He looked at his hand, inspecting his fingernails. "I like talking to you."
no subject
He felt his heart race and he wanted it to stop. He curled into himself a little and reminded himself that soon everything was going to change. It'd change and Yoongi was not important. He wanted to just tell him not to come to work on Friday but it'd be too obvious. He had this plan for so long and his freedom, Tae's happiness, it was all more important.
Then why was he so worried that Yoongi was going to hate him? "You need to stop talking to me and get a better job. You don't want to talk to guys like me. I'm a monster, yeah? Bad. Real bad. Killed my dad, liked it too. I'd kill again. You don't want to be near me."
no subject
Did that thinking make him less than sane too? Yoongi didn't know. Maybe not, as long as he didn't actually kill anyone. "Lots of people walking around outside who feel more monstrous than you. I ran into my ex the other night, that's a piece of work. I'd rather you than him any day."
no subject
He just wanted to help. He put his head in his hands and tried to breath, too many emotions. Since when did he get emotions. It hurt and he hated it, so much. "You're hurting me, you need to stop this and quit. Quit and leave, don't come back. No one will miss your ugly ass so just get out." His voice choked a little by accident and he swallowed, trying to clear his throat.
no subject
"Hey. I'll quit eventually. When I make it big. Then I'll just come here to get them to let me record with you. Rappers do it from prison all the time, why couldn't you?" He was sure being rich enough would make things happen. It always seemed to for other people. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on working here forever."
no subject
And here was Yoongi. He couldn't be control, he wouldn't do what he was told and he wasn't manipulated easily. He was just here. A defiance. A blip. He hugged his knees and lowered his head, curling up protectively. "You don't understand what I'm trying to tell you and by the time you do, you'll be fucked."
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"Don't be so upset. You'll make your hyung feel bad."
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"If you owned the world for a day, controlled every aspect of it, what would you do?" Because soon he'd have that power. In his own little world, at least.
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Well, it was mostly what was on his mind. "Sleep for a whole day." Sleeping was nice. Just sleeping and not having anything else to do? Yeah. "Then I'd make music."
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Not these days anyway. "Do you wanna know what I'd do?"
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"Yeah. I wanna know what you'd do."
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"I would make sure you were okay, hyung. Even if be getting control could hurt people and it'd be bad for some, the world would be better. Safer." He leaned his head back, considering his next words. "You could make music for me. In my new world. Make it less quiet."
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"Hyung can take care of himself, Namjoon. Feel like maybe you're the one who could use someone looking out for a change. Then we can make music together."
no subject
No one would hurt him. "Thanks for bring music back into my life, hyung."