"Yeah, really good. Nothing better than feeding you nuts." Yoongi snorted, not because he thought this was funny, but because he thought about how it used to be. When talking with Ten was just easier than talking to anyone else. His only friend. His best friend. The one he could confide in, joke around with, be silent together... It was a joke, really. Why did he come every week?
"You're my friend, so I'm visiting you. It's polite to bring stuff when you visit. Nuts are good. Read into it if you wanna. Maybe you are right. I'm doing this because it makes me feel great."
"You're gonna be a fucking producer and do lots of amazing shit and you want to waste your time here?" Ten didn't get it. Why would he do this? Was it really some kind of pathetic loyalty? It seemed pointless to him. He didn't think it'd be worth it... he wasn't worth it. And every time he looked up and saw the way Yoongi looked at him, guilt and pain washed over him and he didn't know what to say.
It got harder and harder to look at Yoongi and meet his eyes. He knew what his friend thought of him, deep down. "You're just clinging to the past. Make new friends. It's stupid to cling onto me like a safety blanket."
"They want me to perform, you know? There's even talk of dancing now." Whatever. He would just ignore what Ten said, maybe then he would stop saying it. Maybe it would stop being true. "I have to train for that now. Choreography and stuff."
Was that worth it? Maybe. He wanted to be successful with music, he wanted his music to be heard, he wanted to make money... If that was what it took, whatever. But it could all be for nothing in the end too. "Gonna go down well in underground circles. They'll call me a girl."
"Cause you want to dance? Yeah, they'll eat you alive. I guess." Ten knew how harsh the underground scene was. They called each other slurs and trashed on every idol as gay or a fag. He hated them but that was the rap scene and what Yoongi always cared about. Honestly, it just made him feel anxious to imagine Yoongi being that successful. He liked when they both struggled together, he never expected one of them to achieve something.
See Yoongi thrive? He felt physically sick. "You want the world to hear your music so you either go all in or accept maybe you'll get a few minor songs out there but you'll never hit mainstream."
"I'll do it. I'll put on make-up and dance, whatever. Who cares? That's the only way I can achieve it." The best way to achieve it, anyway. And he had a shot, he was young enough, apparently he could somehow pass, look-wise. Namjoon and him together. Anyone else that would end up in their group. "No idea if we'll have any success even if we debut. Not as if the company has much money."
But he was determined. He'd keep going. Keep going forward, because that was the only way to achieve anything. "I hope I'll have a lot of girls calling me oppa. All I dream of."
"Oh yeah, bet you'll love that. Though we both know you only like it when boys call you oppa." Ten teased mockingly with an edge to his tone. He lost Yoongi and he knew it. He knew he'd be left behind and forgotten, he knew this was the end and he could see it the more Yoongi spoke to him. He was screwed. He was screwed, scared and alone. So he did what he had to do - he pushed him away.
"Seems perfect for you. A lifestyle of hollow platitudes and social distance. You'll never have to worry about friends again. Nice, isn't it?"
Yoongi smiled weakly at the tease, but it didn't reach his eyes, because he realised it wasn't a friendly tease. It was an attack, really. Nothing new there.
"You're my only friend." Or he was. What were they now, anyway? It would be easier to just hate him, maybe then it wouldn't break his heart like this. "Anyway. What should I bring next week? Not sure how thrilled you were with the nuts."
"I like 'em fine. I'd rather you brought nothing. Don't come next week."
Ten met Yoongi's eyes and smiled sadly at him. "Let it die. You'll have other friends. Besides, nothing will change. Keep that in mind. In prison, out of prison... nothing will change." Ten shook his head and then lowered it and looked at the table, tapping his fingers on it and hoping the guard would hurry over. "See you."
"It could change. Not that long until you're out. If the trial goes well. I'll be there for that too. And next week." Maybe Ten thought he couldn't kick the drugs, didn't want to kick the drugs, but Yoongi didn't want to kick him either.
Pathetic? Probably. "I'll bring nuts again, probably. Or I'll find something better. Won't that be exciting?"
He smiled vaguely, wishing he could think of anything to say that would make this better. "See you next week."
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no subject
"You're my friend, so I'm visiting you. It's polite to bring stuff when you visit. Nuts are good. Read into it if you wanna. Maybe you are right. I'm doing this because it makes me feel great."
no subject
It got harder and harder to look at Yoongi and meet his eyes. He knew what his friend thought of him, deep down. "You're just clinging to the past. Make new friends. It's stupid to cling onto me like a safety blanket."
no subject
Was that worth it? Maybe. He wanted to be successful with music, he wanted his music to be heard, he wanted to make money... If that was what it took, whatever. But it could all be for nothing in the end too. "Gonna go down well in underground circles. They'll call me a girl."
no subject
See Yoongi thrive? He felt physically sick. "You want the world to hear your music so you either go all in or accept maybe you'll get a few minor songs out there but you'll never hit mainstream."
no subject
But he was determined. He'd keep going. Keep going forward, because that was the only way to achieve anything. "I hope I'll have a lot of girls calling me oppa. All I dream of."
no subject
"Seems perfect for you. A lifestyle of hollow platitudes and social distance. You'll never have to worry about friends again. Nice, isn't it?"
no subject
"You're my only friend." Or he was. What were they now, anyway? It would be easier to just hate him, maybe then it wouldn't break his heart like this. "Anyway. What should I bring next week? Not sure how thrilled you were with the nuts."
no subject
Ten met Yoongi's eyes and smiled sadly at him. "Let it die. You'll have other friends. Besides, nothing will change. Keep that in mind. In prison, out of prison... nothing will change." Ten shook his head and then lowered it and looked at the table, tapping his fingers on it and hoping the guard would hurry over. "See you."
no subject
Pathetic? Probably. "I'll bring nuts again, probably. Or I'll find something better. Won't that be exciting?"
He smiled vaguely, wishing he could think of anything to say that would make this better. "See you next week."